tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post7145166555909881495..comments2024-01-06T10:11:00.258-08:00Comments on Honest To Betsy: Thoroughly Chewed Casserole -- TFTCB Part IVBetsy B. Honesthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14304239761034117602noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-76546666491498356012012-10-22T21:17:38.220-07:002012-10-22T21:17:38.220-07:00Oh yeah. Definitely easier said sometimes. Especia...Oh yeah. Definitely easier said sometimes. Especially when it comes to family.<br /><br />So happy to hear you have a chicken soup friend. I like chicken soup better than casseroles myself. :)BluebirdMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03883725807811185062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-72058207478392565902012-10-19T09:17:57.742-07:002012-10-19T09:17:57.742-07:00Yes, this is a very thoughtful comment and I appre...Yes, this is a very thoughtful comment and I appreciate it. I'd like to say I'm over all this but honestly, just last week I was thinking about someone and basically preparing her a casserole to dump in the garbage in front of, and I caught myself and asked, really? This old stuff again?<br /><br />The marvelous thing is there's a new friend in my life who, hearing I was at home sick with a cold, recently made a big pot of chicken soup and brought it over. How lucky!<br /><br />I guess the thing is to focus on the way relationships are instead of fixating on the way you wish they were and who is to blame for them failing.<br /><br />Sometimes easier said.Betsy B. Honesthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14304239761034117602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-80649335827220002702012-10-15T11:39:49.013-07:002012-10-15T11:39:49.013-07:00This comment might be coming a year too late. I...This comment might be coming a year too late. I've only just read your casserole series and there is so much there, so much food for thought, so much I nod along to, I can't begin to be really concise, but I'm going to say just one thing that really helped me when I was going through some of this similar angst - here I am saying that like I've never felt that way again when really I think it's a cyclical thing. Still when I was going through this hardcore, in my mid-twenties, after I got married and some old friendships disintegrated and felt really negative, I had this epiphany about female relationships:<br /><br />When I was little, I had like 1 BFF at a time, and then a bunch of supporting actress friends (though I'm an introvert so there were never a lot), and I kept trying to get that BFF feeling again as an adult, which I think would mean an inner circle friend, and I kept getting sad and resentful because I couldn't find it. Then I hit on the concept that I was going to make a composite BFF. I don't believe that any one person can be everything to me, but I had all these great friends that fed and nourished distinct parts of me. So I decided to nourish those friendships even though they weren't perfect, because together they made a great BFF. It allowed me to be more forgiving of their shortfalls because I didn't need one person to be so important in my life, and it allowed me to hold some people (who were hurtful but entangled in my life forever) at arms length. I could appreciate them for whatever part they played in my life, without letting their issues/our issues overpower me. <br /><br />When we're busy actively refusing to make someone a casserole, it means they are taking up a lot of our mental space. You're basically spending half the day making a casserole in your mind so that you can put it in the garbage in front of them. What a waste of time right? Who wants to be that person? But you also have to protect yourself and your family. If you're exhausted from your 3 kids and don't have the energy to make a casserole, you don't have to. Stop by the grocery store and grab a frozen lasagne to drop off. Or don't. But call to congratulate her when she has the baby. I dunno. I mean, you can still be the person you want to be and you don't have to let those hurtful people get close enough to you to actually hurt you, but you can still appreciate (or try to find things to appreciate) the level of relationship you do have with them. They can hurt you less when you change your expectations of what you think they are going to give you. This might seem dumb, but with some people, expect that they'll disappoint you and then they never can. :)BluebirdMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03883725807811185062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-8153118315712086752012-05-23T23:23:16.761-07:002012-05-23T23:23:16.761-07:00Hi Betsy. Great post. Do you think some of your fa...Hi Betsy. Great post. Do you think some of your family might have a narcissistic streak as well?<br /><br />I think you're right to deal with your hurt in your own way and in your own time. Only question is: it was your BIL who brought the kids around and left them with you while he went out with your husband. Were you angry with him too? OK, yes, he hadn't jabbered on about size 12 like your sister-in-law and perhaps he didn't try to rub it in like your SIL. But he was still pretty low.Jessnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-8070018475519177622011-12-15T18:16:26.969-08:002011-12-15T18:16:26.969-08:00Love your writing.
I just binged on all four cass...Love your writing.<br /><br />I just binged on all four casserole posts. I feel very similarly. My first thought is, "Who the hell has time for a brisk walk after dinner?" Not in this town. Not when the kids are little and needy. Not when my closest friend is 45 minutes away. Not when my kids get up at 5 and therefore by 7 I am DONE.<br /><br />Life with little kids is hard. <br /><br />I appreciate the internet.Kimberlyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18167296198042569211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-82282023484275980962011-12-04T20:48:34.520-08:002011-12-04T20:48:34.520-08:00Hi,
I'm the Family editor at Before It's...Hi, <br /><br />I'm the Family editor at Before It's News. Our site is a People Powered news platform with over 4,000,000 visits a month and growing fast. <br /><br />We would be honored if we could republish your blog RSS feed in our new Family category. <br /><br />Please tell me what you would like as your byline (typically the blog's name)<br /><br />You can have any text and/or links you wish appended to the end of each of your posts on Before It's News. It should be around 200 characters or less (not including links). If you have html please send me that.<br /> <br />We don't censor or edit work.<br /><br />Please email me at Zstieber@beforeitsnews.com so our readers can start looking at Honest to Betsy<br /><br />Thanks,<br />Zack Stieber <br />Family Editor, Before It's NewsSebastian Clouthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144017863384270577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-63439680834406489522011-11-30T07:34:25.891-08:002011-11-30T07:34:25.891-08:00Just . . . wow. You have told stories that made me...Just . . . wow. You have told stories that made me nod in commiseration, so, it's a sad truth that this is universal. Hell, I'm definitely guilty of having withheld love for a perceived slight. Thanks for making me think - I might just have to try a) being more direct or b) deciding I don't give a flip and moving on.<br /><br />TY for the sweet well wishes on Ailia's arrival!Dionna @ Code Name: Mamahttp://codenamemama.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-32356665795185651712011-11-29T17:38:26.405-08:002011-11-29T17:38:26.405-08:00Betsy,
I love this. There is definitely some jea...Betsy,<br /><br />I love this. There is definitely some jealousy going on with those people, and it more than likely comes from a place of having no confidence in themselves. They expect everyone else to fill them up, and because you don't need that to feel good about yourself, they seemingly do things on purpose to try and make you feel bad. People like that suck.<br /><br />If we lived closer, you could totally be my friend. I would ask you about your homebirth (and share with you about mine!) <br /><br />The people I have trouble with are the ones who complain bitterly about everything in their lives. <br /><br />Oh, and a size 12 is heavy? Not. at. all. In fact, we could totally trade clothes back and forth!Lauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-4868548862840152152011-11-20T21:11:00.680-08:002011-11-20T21:11:00.680-08:00I love that quote too.
Also, I know, right? Part ...I love that quote too.<br /><br />Also, I know, right? Part of me can laugh at how over the top it all is but part of me is sad.Betsy B. Honesthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14304239761034117602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-36825447099577977562011-11-19T19:42:57.437-08:002011-11-19T19:42:57.437-08:00Oh. Wow. I don't even know where to start. ...Oh. Wow. I don't even know where to start. I'm so sorry that these people are more-or-less inextricably in your life, because man, they cry out for extricableness. I do get jealous, but only when I'm in a bad place myself, and I always know that. And I would never wish to have anyone I know taken down a few rungs - if anything I just wish I was more like them, and then I learn once again that nobody's life is EVER as perfect as you think it is, and it's stupid to wish to be anyone but yourself.<br /><br />Sounds like you've got it figured out pretty well. So I'll just say - you are so not wrong. And I think if you want to be gracious and be better than the friend was to you, that's fine. And if you want to not be a doormat, that's fine too. And you don't live anywhere near Ottawa, do you? Because I would love to bring you some macaroni and cheese with bacon.Bibliomamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11825424183978181238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-76405402718714928022011-11-19T13:39:03.081-08:002011-11-19T13:39:03.081-08:00I thought I had finished with female jealousies an...I thought I had finished with female jealousies and friendship break-ups when I left my teens! Never expected to be dealing with it all again in my thirties!<br />I love this quote.<br />http://skdesigns.com/internet/articles/quotes/williamson/our_deepest_fear/bridgethttp://thefoxandthemountain.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4354869131367567263.post-84133958587419405022011-11-18T22:10:35.049-08:002011-11-18T22:10:35.049-08:00Hmmmmm... lots of food for thought here. But ther...Hmmmmm... lots of food for thought here. But there is a difference between being the kind of bitch who withholds love and affection and being the kind of bitch who protects her own feelings. Do your SIL's attitude and actions cause you pain? Yep. How about the mutual friend's? Yep. So perhaps you're being wise and distancing yourself from getting hurt more. Because it hurts to be nice to people who are not nice back. It's a lot of wasted energy. <br /><br />You should be nice to yourself. And your kids. And your hubby. And people who have shown you they care. Because you're busy with three kids and a husband and a life, right?Mama Mohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08554633560302397335noreply@blogger.com