Let Them Look

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: What is natural parenting?

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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We Canadians have a scientist/documentarian/environmental activist/folk hero named David Suzuki. We've all grown up watching him talk about fruit fly genetics and such on TV. He is our Lorax. I once attended a lecture by David Suzuki in which he doled out some advice to parents on how to raise children to be deep ecologists.

"Just look at things with them," he urged. "Just let them look. Let them really look."

(Pssst....I'm totally paraphrasing here, don't let those quotation marks fool you...).

"Look at a plant with your kids. Ask questions about it. Does it look healthy? Does it look thirsty? Is it turning toward the sun for more light or is it drooping in the heat? That's all you have to do to raise a deep ecologist. That's it. Look at things. Let them look."

Since then, I've born three children onto this greeny-blue planet and I've recalled his Loraxy advice often. It fits, you see, with the deepest, coriest parts of my natural parenting philosophy.

Let them look.

Cause the thing is, they want to look.

When I was a ghastly bloated orb, pregnant with my firstborn daughter, I was sitting on my stoop as a mom and her toddler walked by. She was dragging him down the block by one arm as he was digging his heels into the sidewalk. He wanted to look at the pine cones littered around the base of the giant blue spruce in my front yard.

"C'mon," she pleaded. "We don't have time to look at pine cones. Put those down, let's go!"

He responded with some passive resistance techniques that made her bellow, "Come! On! I said we don't have time! Put those dirty, gross things down NOW."

He was pre-verbal, that little guy, just learning to walk, and the look on his face said, "BUT MOM! There is a gigantic pile of the most wonderful things sitting right here on the ground for just anybody to look at -- they have the oddest symmetry, they have the most exquisite concentric patterns, and I long to discover the spiny texture of their bracts with my curious little fingers. How could there possibly be anything we need to do more than looking at these amazing objects right NOW!"

(Yup, I'm paraphrasing again, I do that.)

I made a vow to my unborn child and to the universe that I would never be that mom, yanking her kid along the sidewalk and bellowing about not having time to look at pine cones. I will make time to look at pine cones, dammit!

Now, a mother of three small kids, it's not entirely rare to find me barking at my brood about not having time to look at pine cones. Or sticks. Or bits of road crush. Or clumps of sod / dirty chunks of ice / clots of leaves in the gutter, etc. etc. etc.

Sometimes, I honestly cannot bear to admire another piece of gravel held aloft in the palm of a tiny hand for fear that the banality of that small stone might make my head implode.

And of course, sometimes we really are in a big important rush and we really don't have time.

But other days we make time. We do.

We're what you'd call outdoorsy people. We do things like this with our kids:
 


And we go places like this:

Where we break for things like this:

Yup. Mushrooms on a log.

That's why my four year old can say "ear fungus" and "pileated woodpecker."

If you take your kids someplace like this:

They will find something like this:

When they do this:

|

If you let them.

There are lots of reasons I would call myself a natural parent: I breastfeed and I waterbirth and I grow heirloom tomatoes and we eat local. I cloth diaper and read bedtime stories about gay penguins and own an absurd number of slings. But the crux of natural parenting, to me, is never about the latest trend or gack -- it is about our relationship as a family to nature. It's about how utterly essential it is to me, as a parent, to not crush my babies' innate curiosity and fondness for the natural world, but to nurture it.

Our relationship to nature isn't defined by grand outings to far flung and wild places so much is it is about how we relate to it daily.

The other day I was out and about with my wee ones and my dog for a stroll in the river valley, an enormous urban green space. I love living in a city where we have access to lots of green space!

My two year old, who was toddling along the leaf-strewn trails, kept bringing amazing discoveries to his baby sister in her buggy. He brought her a large yellow leaf, then a birch twig, then a pine cone. Each treasure was given and received with rapture. The pine cone was a big hit, causing her to cast all other gifts aside the better to fiercely clutch it in her tiny, dimpled hand. She covered it euphorically in drool.

And passersby kept pointing it out to me.

"Uh oh," they'd alert me. "Your baby has a pine cone!"

I don't quite get what the problem could be but it seems the general consensus is that babies shouldn't be allowed to have pine cones. It would seem that people expected me to be alarmed, to snatch it away from her, and to say, aghast, "No, Baby! They're dirty and they're gross!"

But I don't think they are dirty or gross. I think they are fantastic examples of Fibonacci mathematical sequences in nature. I think they are much better math lessons than this:

Don't I sound smart yakking about Fibonacci number sequences? It's because I chewed on pine cones when I was a baby.

The irony that grates on me is I just know nobody would perceive a problem if my baby was cutting her teeth on one of these:

But I would. I would freak. That made-in-China Dollarama dazzle is full of lead and barium and all manner of crazy toxins. It's dirty and it's gross. I wouldn't let my baby put that schizzle next to her skin, never mind in her mouth.

But this, I don't so much have a problem with:

As natural parents, let's treat our children's curiosity about nature with respect. Let's not belittle their desire to look, to really look, at the things they find. Let's tend to agree with them that yes, that heap of pine cones is a grand discovery and each one is a dear treasure and examining them is a good use of our time here on Earth.

Let's always recognize the simple fact that when a toddler sees a poplar catkin / a magpie feather / a round smooth river rock with flecks of quartzite / a patch of clover / a boulder twice his height / a duck track in the mud / an earthworm drowning in a puddle or a mess of pine cones littering the base of a spruce tree in someone's front yard, it is likely the first time that he has ever seen such a thing.

Ever!

In his whole entire life!

And he must look!

And he must touch!

And she may need to drool on it!

They must!

Let them look!

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Stop by Natural Parents Network today to see excerpts from everyone's posts, and please visit a few to read more! Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. Three of the participants below will instead be featured on Natural Parents Network throughout the month, so check back at NPN!

This list will be updated by afternoon November 9 with all the carnival links. We've arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on "What Is Natural Parenting?"

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   
   • "Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting" — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • "Begin at the Beginning" — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   
   • "Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow" — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • "Breastfeeding with Love and Respect" — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • "Why Should I Call It Extended?" — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   
   • "Attachment Parenting Chose Us" — For a child who is born "sensitive," attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting "choice." Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • "Parenting in the Present" — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • "Parenting With Heart" — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   
   • "Nurturing through touch" — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   
   • "Sometimes I Wish We Coslept" — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   
   • "Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?" — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she's going to hire someone new, and this time, she'll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • "Do You Have This?" — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • "What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family" — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   
   • "Unconditional Parenting" — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   
   • "Reducing Screen Time" — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• "Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1" — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• "Growing Out of Little Potties" — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the "weird lady" who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• "Let's Talk Diapers" — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• "Supporting Natural Immunity" — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children's immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• "Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting" — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter's needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter's learning "challenges." (@myzerowaste)
• "Let Them Look" — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• "Why I Love Unschooling" — Unschooling isn't just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• "Is He Already Behind?"Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• "How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning" — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child's natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• "What 'Healthy Eating' Means to Me" — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• "What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food" — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• "Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting" — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn't about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• "I'm not the most crunchy, but I'm still au naturel" — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that's what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• "Because Natural comes Naturally" — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• "What Do You Mean 'Natural Parenting'?" — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• "One Little Change at a Time" — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until "natural parenting" wasn't a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• "WHY Attachment Parenting?" — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• "Yours, Respectfully" — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• "The Natural Parenting Label" — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• "When Our Children Are Grown" — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• "What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?" — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• "Attachment Parenting and Our Family" — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• "I'm a Mama...Naturally" — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn't intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• "A Private Matter" — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)
• "Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact" — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)
• "Relying on Kindness" — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)