Waaaaaay to much information for my regular readers, I'm sure, but probably helpful to some woman somewhere (bless your heart, Dear) wondering how a common gynaecological surgery will affect the rest of her life, you know, sexually.
Here's the thing: I stumbled upon some whacktivism pre-hysterectomy that said I probably wouldn't be able to have orgasms post-surgery and that even if I could, they wouldn't be uterine orgasms so they wouldn't be very good ones. It had me greatly disturbed. Having orgasms is very very high on my list of priorities (way higher than, perhaps sadly, a tidy home, maxing out my RRSPs and/or doing something about global warming.)
When I asked my doctor if a hysterectomy would affect orgasm function he said, "There's some debate about that. The majority of women say orgasm is a function of the clitoris but there's... some debate."
The flying monkeys from the HERS foundation are busy all over the internet telling women that they know first hand how great the loss of uterine orgasms are and should a woman post anywhere that a hysterectomy did not affect her ability to have orgasms, they will respond en masse that it's because she's never had a proper orgasm, so she doesn't really know and shouldn't be trusted.
Because I figured out how to diddle myself at the tender age of 4 and have been a quite dedicated to the practice ever since, I was very worried. I'm pretty sure, you see, that having orgasms is one of my fortes. I'm entirely sure that I've been doing it right and having the good kind.
10 years ago I wouldn't have been able to tell you much about uteruses and cervixes or any other of the more elusive female organs, but throughout the course of three pregnancies and a gynecological crises I've learned ever so much about which organ does what and what it feels like when it's doing its thing. I know, for example, what a cervix dilating feels like.
Also, I experienced a very peculiar pregnancy symptom in each of my first trimesters which was that I'd have, you know, erotic dreams, and than wake up having an orgasm. It was awesome. All the pay-out and I didn't have to lift a finger! Those orgasms were obviously uterine -- they originated, I'm sure, in my uterus which felt kind of warm and spreading and is if was drinking up vitality and pulsing with sexual energy.
Late in my pregnancies I wouldn't be able to, you know, get off at all -- my uterus would get so hard and tense that I just couldn't relax enough.
The reason I'm explaining all this is simply to insist that I'm sure my orgasms included my uterus -- some of them even originated there without any clitoral stimulation whatsoever.
So. Post-hysterectomy, as soon as was medically prudent, I, you know, tested my ability to orgasm and was delighted to find that I still could, sans uterus, that it was still a rewarding thing to do, like I wasn't all, "that was a waste of two-minutes, I should have sorted through some bills instead," and I slumbered much more peacefully in that knowledge.
But. There is something to that whole uterine orgasm thing. In the year following my surgery, I have definitely had the experience of having an orgasm and then thinking, "Where's the rest of it? Where's the back end of it? Where's that final cadence and chord?" I can assure you, I did not think, "That was a waste of time, I should have been alphabetizing something," but I did think: "Where's the rest of it?"
Now. The year I recovered from my hysterectomy was also the same year I had three small children, two of them being under two years of age. This is not a time in which anybody could reasonably expect to describe their sex-life as "rollicking". And it was difficult, and it is still difficult for me to separate all the threads of the various things that were taxing my mojo: the emotional demands of a newborn and a toddler and a preschooler, the physical exhaustion of caring for wee ones, the physical absence of my uterus, the emotional absence of my uterus, the psychological malestrom that is being diagnosed with cervical cancer.
It does seem to me that the big thing wasn't physical, though, the big thing was what was going on in my head:
It was hard to make love without thinking about my doctors, my surgery, my cancer diagnosis, and what was missing from my body. Words like "scar," "scalpel", "disease," and "barren" would rise unbidden to the forefront of my mind.
Not sexy stuff.
Do you believe what they say about the brain being our biggest sex organ? I do.
Well now. If you take the HERS Foundation's word for it, and I hope you don't, what I've described is very typical of women's experiences and it's the end of the story -- a woman can't have orgasms without a uterus and if she can, they won't be very good ones.
Well now. It's not the end of the story. Here's what I did: I just kept trying without trying too hard, if that makes any sense. I tried not to judge myself harshly. I tried to forget all about my hysterectomy, at least between the sheets, and made myself think about other things. You know, sexy things.
And an odd thing has happened -- my orgasms have improved greatly in their grandiosity, flavour, scope and spectrum. They seem to have "relocated" themselves. My G-spot, which a couple of years ago I would have described as "over-rated" has, to deploy an over-used phrase, really "stepped up."
In Mary Roach's fantastic book "BONK: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex" she writes about the "sexual physiology" of orgasms. According to her research, even paraplegics can have great orgasms. In people who can't feel their genitals, orgasms aren't located in the genitals. They're located elsewhere in a way that's hard to describe but nonetheless intensely awesome.
That's good news for women without uterus's who can definitely have orgasms. Great orgasms. The unicorns- leaping-over-rainbows-while-curtains-billow-and-waves-crash-on-the shore kind of sheet-grabbing, calf-clenching, God-praising kind.
You know this old joke?
It's true. We're complex. There's a lot of variables that contribute to a woman's ability to orgasm. The good news is, our physiology (which we can't control) has a lot less to do with it than the things we can learn to control.
So if you're reading this because you're recovering from a hysterectomy or terrified of one, please relax. Just keep trying some different combination of buttons and dials. Try not to think about it too hard. You'll figure it out. Be kind to yourself.
Above all, trust your body/mind/soul's ability to heal and don't pay a lick of attention to anyone who tells you you can't.
Oh my god. Betsy. You are so. freaking. awesome. And appropriately named.ReplyDelete
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Dear Betsy, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! As I am preparing for a partial hysterectomy later this week and have been trying to research the outcomes regarding the future state of my sexuality, coming across your post is like grabbing ahold of a life preserver! I had been in tears after reading the HERS website information and was already preparing my spouse to mourn the loss of our love life when I continued in search of some positive news. I know that we have the power to shape outcomes. Thank you for re-grounding me in this knowledge and encouraging me by sharing your very intimate journey.Delete
I too felt like my orgasm wasn't the same as before hysterectomyDelete
But after reading your post I know I need to relax more and not just have quickies I think we all took our orgasms for granted cause they were so easy to do
Just have to love them more and give them more romantic gestures
This has to be the most awesome post EVER, in the history of the world.ReplyDelete
And I'm glad no trolls ruined it, which is even better.
Absolutely she has helped my coping and living after a hysterectomyDelete
I had never even thought about orgasm after hysterectomy - probably because it was filed away under the "not happening to me right now" folder in my brain. Thanks for a very educational (and entertaining!) post.ReplyDelete
Your description of sex post-hysterectomy matches my experience of sex post-prostatectomy. The orgasms are qualitatively different--not better or worse, but certainly different.ReplyDelete
God Bless You, and I am anything but religious.ReplyDelete
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences after a hysterectomy. I was becoming very afraid of the procedure after I read all the negative comments, and horror stories on other websites!ReplyDelete
Thank you. I am nine weeks post and doing the freaking out thing. I appreciate you sharing...ReplyDelete
Thank you, this was exactly what I was looking for to share with my sister who is contemplating her coming hysterectomy. Your experience syncs up with mine though you have been eloquent and I have not. ;DReplyDelete
Certainly not my post-hysterectomy experience! Libido is non-existent even with every mix of HRT (including testosterone) I've tried. I miss the uterine orgasms which are much more intense and "full body" than clitoral. Used to orgasm with intercourse - no more. Clitoral only happens with a lot of manual stimulation or toys (never needed or wanted toys before). Severed nerves pretty much destroyed the nipple/genitalia connection. And something else women like to keep hush-hush about - the loss of pelvic integrity does a number on a woman's sexy figure.ReplyDelete
Re: prostatectomy - some men don't have the same experience as davidfcooper. I recall a guy who posted on a forum that his sexual function was only 1% of what it had been. His surgeon had told him his sexual function wouldn't be affected!
I know women who acted like their sex life wasn't negatively impacted by hysterectomy only to confide in me later that it killed their sex life.
To say that you can overcome castration by thinking your way out of it, or using your brain is ludicrous. As an example, when a pet is neutered or spayed (sterilized like a human) their behavior significantly changes even though they do not understand they've been castrated. When a dog or cat is intact, they seek to mate and all the behaviors that come with it, roaming, spraying and aggressiveness, etc. After they are castrated, they very rarely try to have sex with another animal, if at all. There are some circumstances where a dog will hump another dog in a playful behavior, but they do not attempt to have sex. If what you say has any truth to it--that the brain is the biggest sex organ, then why don't animals, who don't even know they are sterilized, continue to try to mate? When animals are castrated, they stop roaming, it decreases their desire for marking, and it makes them less aggressive. Their behavior completely changes because they are not motivated by sexual desires. I hope that people who read your blog don't really believe the ridiculousness that you can have better orgasms after you've been castrated. It's scary that someone might think they will be the same after they are castrated and agree to have elective surgery. Any reasonable person given any legitimate facts would wonder just who you are trying to convince.ReplyDelete
Hello there! maybe you should kindly check your facts before you post something silly on a public forum. A castration involves the removal of gonads: ovaries or testes--not uterus or prostate! Gonads are the hormone-producing organs. That's what they do to poor dogs and cats. A womb is not a gonad.Delete
ops, I beliave uterus and womb are synonyms hence just don't get your last comment. Can you reason this? you are getting me confused.Delete
My male cat has been neutered for 7 years now and he still humps his little pillow at least three times a day. Not a playful hump but a vigorous get it done type. I think everyone is different so you can't judge one by the other on this subject.Delete
My neutered 8 year old lab "tied" my female puppy pre-spay. Now spayed female gets seriously playful and ecstatic when encountering an un-nuetered dog, with no exceptions.Delete
Just like us humans having being hysterectomy Being neutered saves animals from getting cancer which I have seen for a dog who wasn't neutered Expensive for owner and painful for animalDelete
Of course human sexuality is more complex than that of cats and dogs. You realize that cats and dogs only mate when they are in heat, right? But human sexuality doesn't work that way. Not even close. Of course that is because of our brains. And our culture. And our complex identities as sexual beings. And lots of other things I won't bore you with.
I don't get why the HERS foundation so persistently ignores the difference between a hysterectomy (the removal of the uterus) and an oophorectomy (the removal of the female gonads). You don't seem to recognize that those are different surgeries. But they are. So I, being pre-menopausal but without a uterus, still ovulate. So I do go into estrus. Just like a cat might if there was such thing as a cat who had a hysterectomy.
Kitties don't get hysterectomies, they get spayed. It is a different surgery. Kitties don't have pap smears and feline gynecologists who devote their lives to preventing their early demise due to gynecological conditions such as cervical cancer.
And my surgery was not elective by any stretch of the imagination. Lots of hysterectomies are not.
And I didn't say orgasms are better. I said they were not as good, and then they were.
And I didn't say I used my brain to think my way out of it.
Why are you so desperate to deny that I can be a happy, sexual, woman without a uterus? Why are you so desperate to send a message of hopelessness and despair?
I am quite frankly, thrilled to be alive though your organization would clearly like to shut me up so I don't boggle your whacko "statistics."
Stop marking your territory all over my blog. Bad kitty.
Thank you Betsy:) I am so glad to read your blog. I just had a hysterectomy (still have my ovaries) and orgasms are different but the more I practise the more they are getting back to kind of normal. They were not as strong at first but now they are sheet grabbing as you said:):)Sometimes there is nerve damage but for the most part a good mind set REALLY helps. Again, THANK YOU for this blog!Delete
I am very happy to have found your site as I have had everything removed and there was not cancer. I cannot get answers I need from my surgeon and so you have given me hope because I feel as if there is nothing inside or out. Thank you for writing for all of usDelete
I've never heard of an elective hysterectomy, or met a surgeon who would perform one. All hysterectomy are life saving. - Nurse for 14 years.Delete
I am on Gold Coast Australia and I got a hysterectomy as a preventive of getting cancer thereDelete
I had breast cancer and double mastectomy my cancer was a estrogen cancer
I wish I hadn't but I want to live and will do anything I can be be a here for my daughter
I tried to message you already, so if you get this info twice I'm not bragging okay, lol.Delete
I'm 6weeks and 3 days post total abdominal hysterectomy. I have had outer course several times and intercourse once post op.
I was incredibly anxious about having a hysterectomy and losing my orgasms, because I'm a very sexual person, and doubt that I'd want to live if I couldn't experience them anymore.
Betzy is absolutely correct! Orgasm feels slightly different now, but it is still an enormous explosion of pleasure.
In fact they are a bit better for me now because they are lasting longer than they have ever lasted before. Sex is also pain free now so way better than pre-hysterectomy.
I'm not sure why some women lise their orgasms or feel that they are less intense, but I have a few theory's now that I'm on the other side:
Perhaps they aren't using a good lubricant. Lubricants are essential post hysterectomy, especially if surgical menopause occurs.
Another possible reason could be psychological, I.e. Their brain is telling their body that something is missing.
It could also be due to anxiety over fear of damaging something, and this not being able to full let go.
The "uterine contractions" that many talk about still occur, it's a pulsation of the internal portion of the clitoris. Of course the uterus no longer tightens, but that explosion feeling doesn't come from the uterus.
I am extremely relieved and overjoyed with my orgasms now, long, powerful and pain free.
So no sexual goddesses need to fear this surgery.
If you are still not feeling the way that you should, don't forget that you have been though a big trauma with cancer, it changes who we are and how we respond to things. Also, breast cancer treatment causes the membranes of the vagina to dry and thin out, which can take a while to return to normal. Remember the lubricant, relaxation and plenty of Foreplay. You will recover.
Your hysterectomy was not elective, it was essential to your long term survival. You are just as much of a woman, and are just as beautiful and sexual as you were before.
Don't give up on your sexual side, you will find it again.
I realize this reply is a few years after your original posting, but on the Web time is frozen and I am reading this for the first time. So it's as if you just wrote it. THANK YOU Betsy for your honesty and your positivity. I am currently experiencing everything you posted in your article...I do not appreciate the polarized negativity of the HERS foundation, and your article is a light in the dark. Bless you.Delete
Me too! I just had a complete hysterectomy 3 weeks ago due to Endometrial cancer, and was worried about whether I would be able to have an orgasm post op. My doc did say before the surgery that it would not affect sexual function, but looking online today I see many not so happy endings. The majority seem to be related to having intercourse, so not many articles on woman to woman sex, or just orgasms in general.Delete
Luckily, I still have sexual desire (so far). Just waiting a couple more weeks or so to try, as I still have some post op pain.
Bascially everyone is different. No one person can speak for another, we can merely give our independent personal opinions. I don't care if it's some organization or an individual. Everybody experiences different things when it comes to the removal of the uterus. Those who sex lives suck after having the uterus removed cannot be upset, livid or mad because those of us who have a very functional and enjoyable sex life after the removal of the uterus say that there is hope and be called a liar. Some have it and some don't. It is what it is.ReplyDelete
BETSY! For God's sake! who are you trying to convince about something that is obvious..? If just Yourself ?- then it's Okey. If you are truly happy with your sex life, orgasms.., why did you go to all this (hopefully useless trouble) here, Save your time & effort...& use it in bed with your man, if you can. After hysterectomy I have never even thought once about having sex, not speaking of an action. My libido disappeared entirely. I regret very much that I have tried once (not for myself, of course, as it is NOT in either my BRAIN or WOMB, or else... anymore) but for my husband: it was a nightmerish expierence for me (not much better for my husband), it was only PHYSICAL & MENTAL PAIN, to be avoided for as long as I "live" ever after. You know.., what? I will tell you something more, though You do not deserve it..: being castrated is much WORSE than...being DEAD. And, unfortunately, I am NOT the only castrated woman with this opinionReplyDelete
I was just diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer. The treatment, a hysterectomy. I am 39 years old. I understand the need to make sure people don't have the procedure needlessly and should be educated. But to take it to the extreme and make those of us who need it fear the treatment is insane. To say you would rather be dead than have a hysterectomy, or are dead because you had one is insane. How about being in my shoes and actually having to make that choice. Hysterectomy or death? Would you leave your 2 children behind? How dare you people scare those of us who are already terrified and fighting for our lives. I came here looking for support and hope. Obviously there is none to be found here.Delete
Just a simple guy looking for guidance as my wife and I prepare ourselves for a hysterectomy(not oophrectomy). While fear is inevitable do not become discouraged by bonehead above. Hope does spring eternal, and even if you are fighting by yourself there is compassion here for you inyour struggle.Delete
Dear Anonymous and anyone else that is bitter and angry about their orgasm issues,Delete
I am grateful for Betsys information. I had a hysterectomy (cervical cancer, life or death!) 3 weeks ago and I have done some research during my recovery about post hysterectomy orgasm and I have definitely found a mixed bag on the issue. I am concerned about orgasm with pebetration because my cervix has been involved in many of my orgasms achieved that way. I was also concerned about a clitoral orgasm, which for me is the most enjoyable, at least for now. I have read so many comments like yours, however, none as negative and biting, and it had me so upset and discouraged because sex and orgasm are important to me and my husband. And then I woke up in the middle of the night mid orgasm and I was so happy that I myself with my own experience, not yours or anyone else with your negativity, could achieve an enjoyable climax. So it got me reading even more and I stumbled upon this blog. I was still concerned about penatration, etc. And this blog has helped to ease my fears while providing some entertainment during my recovery. I understand that I am not you, thank the lord, and so I do not know your experience, but why do you wish to try to make others as miserable as you. If I were you, I would check into my psychological self to see exactly what my issues are to make me such a bitter and angry person. To say you would rather be dead than to have had a hysterectomy is so insulting to those of us who have lost a loved one or are dealing with something terminal. Would you take their place? If not, please reexamine your angry and hateful comments about your lack of orgasm achievement.
I am the Anonymous one who wrote this aweful text above, some time ago. I apologise. I was still in shock..., too much pain. Obviously, I would not say it today, my severe depression and anxiety on pills since then, and I have found the other way of life, without orgasms, out of relationship. It was very tough, though, under my circumstances.Delete
I am the one who went to miomectomy, assured by my doctor, that removing one submucosal fibroid would help. In the background, there was still my desire to have a child. I have none, and the doctor took out my uterus. As to the physical side of my sexuality, I have written as I expierenced it.
I did not mean to be hateful, but my sexual expierences have been so poor after the surgery, that I could not believe it was possible at all or oterwise. I thought, when someone claimed otherwise, ... she must be lying.
As for my anger, I am angry with my doctor, and myself.
I am far away from being dead for this reason, slowly but regaining my balance, but my life is not what it was.
Well done for achieving the right frame of mind to come back on here and apologise, this is always a step in the right direction for yourself as well as others. There does seem to be some muddle on this forum as to the difference between removing the uterus and the ovaries. Many people do not have an option not to have a hysterectomy or indeed their ovaries removed therefore remaining positive is the only way ahead if surgery is the only option. However people do also need to be informed and I am sure no-one on here would deny that a hysterectomy is to be avoided if there are other solutions that are less drastic. Personally I had fibroids (too many and too big for any of the others alternative operations) and had suffered for many years. I was avoiding a hysterctomy however waking up on holiday having bled all over the bed like an animal did nothing for my sex life either. You do not mention if you kept your ovaries, if not you would be going through the menopause, this could also be the case if the ovaries stopped working after surgery which can happen. Many women suffer loss of sexuality in these circumstances, this is hormonal nothing to do with the removal of the uterus. It goes without saying that these hormone disturbances can cause severe depression as well but can be addressed with HRT or alternative therapies.. Maybe you have tried this to no avail but sometimes it takes a while to get hormone levels right so persist in going back to your Doctor for help. Good luck and best wishes, Nikki.Delete
I had a complete hysterectomy and my ovaries removed at 49yrs old. I am 54 and still get mind boggling orgasms if it's a full moon I can make myself orgasm 4 times. Just lucky I guessDelete
I just had hysterectomyDelete
2 mths ago
Had first orgasm and so glad I read your post I was worried the orgasm will eventually faze out But looks like I have nothing to worry about
Hello! So my story....i have had both of my ovaries removed and have been in menopasue now for a year.. orgasims have been better than before.. still have my uterus thou.. i was always in so much pain the thought of sex .. you understand.was not my priority . Fast foward - sugery in 6 werks to remove my uterus.. i am scared that i will loose the ability to have an orgasim... i hope not but two masses found in my uterus and family history of cervical cancer... im 45 nothing to play around with... i am going to talk to my dr about this to see if something else can be done besides the removal. I am in pain daliy and it scsres me.. Thank you all for your openessDelete
I suppose, the woman above...must be really suffering a lot, so let's be forgiving. From my expierence, some kind of sexual loss after hysterectomy IS a fact. Some women are expierencing total loss of libido and sexual desires, some other ...are more fortunate. There is a huge number of hysterectomized women with sexual loss. Noone can predict better -if hysterectomy will ruin a woman's life, than a woman herself. If she already thinks and feels before the surgery that hysterectomy is damaging to her sense of femininity, womanhood, if she has doubts and fear of such loss, it is almost certain that after surgery, she will be feeling in the same way, or worse. I do not advise these women to go on with this procedure too easily because it may cause them too much trouble afterwards. It is very likely to ruin their mental health entirely. The operation is irreversible and generally damaging. In extreme cases, a woman may end up with suicidal depression. Every woman who is expected to undergo hysterectomy, should be provided with decent consultation with a psychologist before she has her uterus cut out, and, possibly her sexuality, ability to have orgasms -lost. Sexuality is a very complex and delicate matter. It's the most important part of every human being, there can be no "gambling" with it. What's good for one woman, may be fatal for another. Don't let others tell you what's good or better for you. Listen to your own self, intuition. Go after your own individual priorities. Don't let any doctor or another woman convince you that... "your sex life, health..will be better after hysterectomy as it is in her case"- when you - in your own self - feel and think otherwise.ReplyDelete
You may want to work on your reading comprehension skills. The blog poster did not say that her orgasms were better after her hysterectomy compared to before her hysterectomy. She said that they were different and that at first, they were at a lot worse and over time and by practicing at it, they have improved. But this is not improved relative to before she had the hysterectomy. It was improved relative to immediately after the hysterectomy.Delete
Before you try and preach against something you've read, it's best to make sure you actually understand the gist of what you read. Otherwise you end up sounding like a fool.
I'm just glad I can have any orgasmDelete
I thought my body would let me down but I am glad their is still some magic left in me
Article in: "The Independent Health News",GBReplyDelete
Needless hysterectomies are leaving patients SUICIDAL, By Sarah Schaefer:
Surgeons are doing UNNECESSARY hysterectomies, leaving some women feeling SUICIDAL and with a LOSS of libido, Labour backbenchers WARNED yesterday. Diana Organ, the MP for Forest of Dean, called for greater use of alternative therapies and FEWER hysterectomies,with MORE information for women undergoing the operation. One woman in five has a hysterectomy by age 65 and more were done per head of population in Britain than in France or America. Opening the debate in Westminster Hall,Mrs Organ highlighted the case of a young woman left incontinent by a cross infection after hysterectomy. Mrs Organ has formed a group of 57 local women who had experienced problems after hysterectomies. Lawyers were now taking some of these cases before the General Medical Council. Complaints ranged from LACK of information given before the operation, to a LOSS of LIBIDO or complications arising from further surgery necessary because of hysterectomy. Experts had found that the effects of hysterectomy could be DEVASTATING.
Some women are actually driven either to SUICIDE or have suicidal DEPRESSION as the result of the after-effects of this surgery. Hysterectomies often involved the removal of healthy organs, yet women were NOT told that beforehand./ Yvette Cooper, a Health minister said, hysterectomies were once offered as the universal cure for heavy or painful periods.But rates had fallen in England from 72,000 in 1993 to 56,000 in 1995.
The most common reason for having hysterectomy was severe bleeding with abdominal pain, sometimes caused by fibroids in the wall of the womb, although often the cause was not known.
Other reasons included prolapse of the womb, cancer or emergency treatment because of catastrophic bleeding during childbirth.
The Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists has issued GUIDANCE on the subject, warning surgeons of the NEED to REDUCE the number of UNNECESSARY hysterectomies and advising them that a woman's ovaries should not be removed without her express consent. "This ultimately will mean we should be able to spare many women the misery that they are currently experiencing".
Betsy wrote,(quote):"I don't get why the HERS foundation so persistently ignores the difference between a hysterectomy (the removal of the uterus) and an oophorectomy (the removal of the female gonads). You don't seem to recognize that those are different surgeries. But they are. So I, being pre-menopausal but without a uterus, still ovulate. So I do go into estrus(...)."ReplyDelete
I think,HERS does not so much "ignore" the difference between hysterectomy & oophorectomy but knows the women's reports: there is a large number of women after hysterectomy (with ONLY uterus removed and ovaries left),who lost teir libido, sexuality anyway. They are unable to feel "estrus", desire, arousal,joy of sex, any longer, despite having ovaries left. Quite often, women with ovaries and without uterus lose libido entirely or to some extent. I have my ovaries but without uterus and menstrual bleedings,I do not feel any sexuality at all. I do not have it in my brain and I do not feel any physical sensation "down there", in my womb and my sex organs left (no "butterflies", no "itching", all is dead). Before hysterectomy, I could feel estrus and sexual desire during those few "special" days in the cycle, between my menstrual bleedings. My breasts also became "numb" and unsensitive, & I remember how they were sensitive and "aroused" during those few days, when I still had all my sex organs together and menstruation. It proves the fact that the function of uterus & menstrual bleeding in sexual response and pleasure is of MAJOR importance.
The intercourse is painful (vaginal dryness and atrophy), blood ligaments are severed, so the capability of sexual arousal is considerably diminished.
Betsy,you are asking: "Why are you so desperate to deny that I can be a happy, sexual, woman without a uterus? Why are you so desperate to send a message of hopelessness and despair?.."ReplyDelete
I do not deny...because nobody can deny other person's feelings or expierences. But please, YOU - do not deny other people's feelings.
I understand, You are giving HOPE...in a seemingly hopeless situation. You have a powerful mind, imagination. You are a Poet, Mother..., but think about the women who have been driven to madness, suicide, complete non-existence, unbearable pain, and so many tragedies they are going thru after this surgery....
I am just another woman patient who has been going thru the nightmare of hysterectomy and I have been simply dying...,so many different health problems have appeared. My life, my health problems from the time before my surgery seem to have been my "paradise lost" today.
I like what HERS is doing, they do more good than evil, they happen to be a "life saviour" for many women, esp. having a fibroid problem.
Behind the HERS "whacko statistics", as You call it, are standing REAL HUMAN BEINGS, with deterioration of health...and they had had only uterine fibroids, or endometriosis, curable otherwise. The nature and spectrum of their suffering is sometimes incomparable with any other, even the strongest physical pain. What's most tragic about it, is its endlessness...and irrevocability. If I had some kind of euthanasia option now, I would consider it.
Betsy, I think Your story does not belong to the HERS' "whacko statistics". There are also cases of women, like me, who might have lived if they had read their "statistics"...on time.
This post has done a lot to help me and other women cope with their feelings of depression.Delete
Your post, on the other hand, only makes people who are suffering already feel worse. You are actively contributing to harming other people. This puts you in the same category as those doctors who encourage women to needlessly have hysterectomies. People like you are really despicable. You act so self-righteous, but it's really so that you can get away with injuring others. My only consolation is that your life is already so terrible that I don't even have to wish ill on you. It really can't get any worse than it is.
Betsy, you are right at one point. For any woman who is going to have a hysterectomy, studying the HERS facts and reading their statistics is in no way helpful and it is not advisable. But HERS is a decent resource of knowledge and instructions for many women, gyns' patients, how to avoid a hysterectomy having fibroids or other not life threatening gynecological problems, how to evaluate your doctor's credentials, attitude, skills, or what questions you should ask your doctor before you let him decide about your life and treatment.ReplyDelete
Also, knowing all possible side effects, a woman is able to evaluate how much she can gain with the surgery, and how much she can lose. Sometimes, there is much more to lose than gain. In order to make a good decision, the HERS's knowledge is valuable for many women. So many women have uterine fibroids. It's high time the doctors stopped using hysterectomy for this benign "illness".
There are new methods available, like ExAblate, embolisation
I find it interesting that doctors may tell you that "sex is better after a hysterectomy" (I ran from THAT doctor) and yet if you read medical text books as I am at the moment because I am studying anatomy, that it's all there in black and white how a woman's body reacts during an orgasm. And yes the uterus does contract because it is trying to draw the sperm up to the fallopian tubes. So I seriously don't get how it can't affect you sex life.ReplyDelete
I also find it interesting that my GP could openly say a hysterectomy will affect a woman's sex life because all the nerves have been cut but a gynecologist will say it's better or the same. Now why do you think that is? I think I trust my GP more who has no conflict of interest.
And another thing, I always find it so patronizing when if a woman has a sexual problem after hysterectomy that it's dismissed as a mental issue. I have two toddlers a year apart and older child and I am studying.I still can have uterine orgasms easily no matter how tired or distracted I am, because as one woman described it my "wires haven't been cut".
Riding a unicorn? Yes, but unicorns are NOT real.ReplyDelete
I don't have my uterus. Can I still have some kind of sex life...because it is imprinted in my "head"? I'm afraid, NO!
My hysterectomized brain is very much in conflict with the rest of my new body and partial sex organs.
In fact, my brain does still remember the sexual feeling and desires I used to have had. It has been trying to recall such expierences from the past when I am dreaming at night, once or twice. But even then, my sexual feeling has been so diminished that no true satisfaction could be attained (very unpleasent sensation of unfullfilment, on the verge of "madness" after waking up).
If it is not in a night-dreaming, nothing can happen to me what you may call "sexual, sensual". There are physical mechanical obstacles and changes... that make all "the sexual stuff" impossible, forget an orgasm.
I feel, my "head" has been sentenced to the unspoken tortures. The natural sex imprint, the memories of it... my brain contains, can not be transformed into any sexual expierence in real life, in my new body.
So, I can not believe in what Betsy has described as a "real magic": "relocating", mentally and technically her sexual feeling and orgasm. The brain (MY brain, for sure), no matter how imaginative, is not sufficient enough to make love and have it all.
I feel very uncomfortable...being touched by a masculine hand. I must change the TV channel when it comes to, God forbidden, an erotic scene. Sex is painful, literally and this is my association with it, purely traumatic.
I am artistic, too, but I am unable to "out- cheat" my brain and make it... "forget" that I am uterus-less, dry, un-bleeding and so much damaged in my basic female structure, and soul.
WOW! Lots of different feedback. I am dealing w/large (8cm) fibroids and need to decide between hysterectomy or other options, but am concerned, as many women, w/my sex life being affected.ReplyDelete
I do believe, however, regardless of the procedure I select (lucky I have a choice) that my sex life will remain strong and wonderful! I am leaning toward a UAEmbolization, even though it only shrinks the fibroids...
Best wishes to you all! Make it happen-whatever you want and need.
Truly enjoyed reading your blog, Betsy BHonest!
Thank you so much for sharing. I just happened upon this post - and I'm glad I did. It's really helpful to have an honest personal account.ReplyDelete
Ladies everyone is different. I had a hysterectomy 7 months ago and still manage to hhave mind blowing orgasms. My coworker however doesn't anymore. Betsy is right in that it is a lot to do with how you look at it. Negatively or positively. Imagine the poor young women out there that had no choice because of cervival cancer. How can they have any hope when they read posts on the internet saying their lives will be over after hysterectomy? Dealing with cancer is hard enough but now you will never have another orgasm. Really? Come on.ReplyDelete
Yes, everyone IS different, indeed,...but, COME ON, not to such a big extent. Technically the surgery causes the same bodily changes to all female bodies, and female bodies are basically the same.Delete
More than fewer women DO report sexual disability, sexual loss, to a smaller or greater extent after hysterectomy, and no explanation is needed, why. After all, the doctors have removed their sex organs, not an appendix, tonsils, or else...
Women before the operation are desperately looking for the confirmation that they WILL have their sex and orgasm in the same way as they did before the surgery.
I think, nobody can or should assure them that it will be exactly so. It wouldn't be honest. What's the use of giving them any false "hope", when, in fact, there is no such assurance? but the contrary, there IS a reasonable chance that they may NOT enjoy sex anymore.
They must try for themselves, as separate individuals, and the answer will be there, especially that the sexual reaction after hysterectomy has proved to be so much "an individual matter" ? Right or wrong?
What they should be told, instead, is as simple as that:
WHO KNOWS...? it depends.... Some women collapse, some don't. But with cancer you have no choice... Either you may die..., or you may live - IF you undergo hysterectomy, but just as well you may live with no sexual pleasure, or live with smaller ...or the same sexual pleasure, which IS a miracle, indeed, but, as most miracles, they DO...happen sometimes.
Yes, it is most tragic, to have cancer...and on top of that, to know that saving your life will cost you your sex life being taken away from you. The first thought that automatically comes to mind then is, "what's the use of fighting for life ...potentially without love and sex?"
It sounds like a "Sophie's choice" situation, indeed.
There are also thousands of "fibroidal" girls who lost sexuality (and decent health), due to unconsented, needless surgeries. And they can not be turned off and silenced for life. They are also courageously fighting to survive each next day, in pain, depression, abandoned by their husbands, trying to stay away from the madhouse, with no other choice but trynig to "live with it".
It IS a cruel torture, indeed, to deprive one of one's sexuality...without one's conscious consent, and to sentence one to live with this torture.
Such women deserve the right, and have the obligation, to speak about it in public and warn others. They are also, like women with cancer, in a "Sophie's choice" situation.
Oh please, let's not attribute sexual problems after cancer and hysterectomy to a lack of "positive thoughts".Delete
I was physically crippled by an endoscopic hysterectomy which went terribly wrong. The surgeon hit an artery and made a quick hip to hip incision to stop the bleeding and save my life. In the process, she nicked the femoral artery. The muscles never regained strength again, and I've been subjected to three surgeries to sew up the holes in my abdominal wall. This isn't a horror story — it's simply what happened to me.
the best allReplyDelete
Some of us may still have some orgasm, some will not. So, if you do not have to remove your sex organs, don't do it.ReplyDelete
WOW....some heated discussion. I had a total hysterectomy with removal of ovaries and tubes after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer and BRCA 2 positive. I was SCARED to death at the possibility of Ovarian cancer (I had just heard a friend of mine had been diagnosed of Ovarian Cancer the week I received my BRCA gene test back..Her gynocologist had been telling her she needed to have her ovaries removed for 2 years. Her sister has died of ovarian cancer around the same age).ReplyDelete
I went to consult with a Gyn Onc about the prophylactic removal of my ovaries and tubes due to the increase risk of Hereditary Cancer (keep in mind, I was not afraid of ovarian cancer prior to my breast cancer and genetic testing, so this fear was doctor induced). She told me "It is now recommended to have a total hysterectomy because of the residual fallopian tube tissue attached to the uterus, could develop into ovarian cancer." I questioned her recommendation. I was 53 at the time, so the thought of giving up my ovaries and tubes was open for discussion since I was scared to death of ovarian cancer. However, I wasn't sure about the hysterectomy but decided to trust this "Medical Co-Director of Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer" doctor's recommendationn. WRONG.........I later found out (went to a conference on HBOC) that the risk of residual fallopian tube tissue 'sprouting' an ovarian cancer has never happened in the 15 years since they have been tracking the BRCA gene data. Also, according to the American College of Oncologic Gynecology, Hysterectomy offers no additional risk reduction for BRCA mutation carriers. So, I confronted my 'expert' gyn-onc about the removal of my uterus and she hung her head and said "I wish I had not taken your uterus".......WTF!!!!!
The unfortunate thing is I had told my sister, who was 67 and also tested BRCA 2+, about the residual fallopian tube tissue risk (thinking I was helping her) so she consented...She has lost nipple sensation and 50-75% of her sexual response...She had just met a new man and was having 'great sex'(her husband had died several years ago) But now THANKS to the 'useless uterine attitude' of doctors, a sexually healthy woman has been rendered, to a certain degree, sexually dysfunctional....SHAME on the healtcare profession.....YES, SHAME on them..And oh, by the way, she has never read about the HERS foundation....and she has no reason to lie to me......She was injured unnecessarily.....
Regarding sex for me, I can achieve a decent orgasm with toys....However, penetrating sex is uncomfortable and it saddens me. I gained nothing from the loss of my uterus and cervix...Doctors are cruel and for some reason the AMA allows them to get by with their unnecessary sexual mutilation.
If it is not bad enough to be dealt a bum gene, you now have to navigate through the healthcare vultures who are more than willing to take advantage of your fear and go in for the kill...
I think we need more HERS foundations. No woman should ever have any sex organ removed, only to find out that 'oops, wish I hadn't taken that out'. That is criminal...I am sure there was financial incentive.....Keep in mind those DaVinci machinces cost 1+ million dollars....and I am sure Hysterectomy is the bread and butter of the Gyn Surgical budget...
I ve really enjoyed your blog.I watched a video of the HERSfoundation on what happens during an hysterectomy and the "life altering affects"...its just been over a year and I had one sexual encounter at 8 weeks post hyster and although my brain was gung ho about it and i loved the touching kissing but the intercourse i wasnt prepared for,the pain,i bled and soreness afterward.Now that was only one time.I read somewhere a doctor suggested to masturbate to keep the fires burning, as I am one and always was a woman that was sexually alive and sensual I was sadly disappointed to depression. After reading what you have said, I decided well when ever I get in a relationship again.There will have to be some extra effort placed on him and myself,you know being dry i would need something for that..but back to the issue ,I am worried about something that may never happen,I could get with a guy and its wonderful..for this worry i have been pushing away a man thats been trying to romance his way back into my life,he left me pregnant and just these past few months has come back begging for forgiveness and a second chance,i had closed the door..thinking what profit would i be to him or any other if i couldnt perform of give him pleasure? So I think future surfing over something yet to come is futile and energy draingin of my mind..to me your blog is an eye opened and that not all women have the same experience..thank you for sharing..btw your so funny with this topic..keeps ya entertained while being informed as well.
It is amazing how there is so much heated discussion about a surgery that is so "no big deal"......It is a damaging surgery and should not be taken litely. Do not have the surgery unless there is a "known" cancer.ReplyDelete
I had it to prevent cancer I got estrogen cancer got breast cancer and had lympnodes removedDelete
I didn't want to risk getting cancer in cervix and have lympnodes removed near my groin in result wearing compression garments on my legs
Thank you so much for this post. I have a hysterectomy scheduled just 3 weeks from now. I'm only 35 years old. I have a 5 year old, 3 year old, and a 2 year old. I have Adenomyosis, most likely as a result from my 3 back to back c-sections. The anonymous that said back in January that saidta hysterectomy should only be performed in the case of cancer clearly isn't informed about Adenomyosis, Endometriosis, or large reoccurring fibroids. There are noncancerous uterine conditions that are miserable that have no other solution besides removing the uterus. I have extremely heavy bleeding and cramping. I cramp every day, period or not. My periods can last up to 15 days and are usually only 25 days apart. I'm not looking forward to a hysterectomy at such a young age. I am worried about sexual dysfunction, but I agree with my doctor that at this point I have no choice. I'm a mom and I need to be healthy and thriving for my kids and my husband and my uterus is causing me to have way too many days curled up on the couch. Your post helped ease my mind. Thank you.ReplyDelete
I had a total hysterectomy (uterus, both ovaries, fallopian tubes, cervix) at age 36. Initially, sex was very painful because it took a LONG time for the back of my vagina to heal. And then I lost my sex drive completely. So I begged my doc for replacement testosterone and bam! I was wanting sex again. My orgasms pre-surgery were like orgasms men have - a build up, a huge crescendo and then a long recovery period. My orgasms post-surgery are ABSOLUTELY the same. Yes, I realize that isn't the case for some other women. But for me, not having my uterus or cervix has made no difference. I am now 50 year old and having the BEST sex of my life (yes, still with same husband). According to all the research I've read (and I am a former scientist), all female orgasms reside ultimately in the clitoris. And new research shows the clitoris is actually far larger than the part we see, and sections of the clitoris surround the vagina (giving rise to what some women refer to as "vaginal" orgasms). Does the uterus play a role in orgasm? Perhaps for some women it does. But clearly not for all women.ReplyDelete
It's rare for me to comment on a blog, but the discussion here has been so vibrant and varied that I'm moved. I'm scheduled for a hysterectomy in one week from today and have done, and been doing, what I can to be well informed and proactive about my choices, my healing and my future. Following almost a year of heavy, unpredictable and very painful periods, I have had continuous bleeding since the 6th December last year - that's 11 weeks in a row (well, tomorrow it will be 11 weeks) - a lot of it was pretty-well hemorrhaging - and it has only just been kept at bay (from flooding me every moment of every day) by a high dose synthetic progesterone (which is completely feral and life destroying in the side effects). Even with this, I'm still bleeding. I ran out of my medication and missed 3 doses and started heavy bleeding again within less than 24 hours of my last dose of medication. Needless to say I've been anemic as well, with associated impacts. A hysteroscopy showed precancerous cells, and an extremely mucky uterus (won't go into all the gory details) with lots of necrotic (dead) tissue. I have been off work all this time, unable to function in a day to day responsible world. I've just turned 49, I have 2 teenage sons and a beautiful partner with whom I enjoy a wonderful, energetic and enlivening sex life - orgasms for me are whole body, opening, and clearly have a lot of uterine activity happening. Like many others, I'm really concerned about the impact of the hysterectomy on this part of my life - particularly because I've had to work very hard on healing that part of my life after being raped by my father from age 3 to age 11. It took a lot of my adult life to feel ok about sexual pleasure, and now that I've found that place, the idea of potentially losing it is a pretty dark consideration. And.....my partner is ready to walk alongside me and see where we go, to find a healthy and alive place in our lives and in our sexuality....I know that I am strong and have survived a lot, and that I can find joy in life.... it is wonderful to hear other women tell their stories, whatever they may be. I am not idealising the future, I know that this is major surgery and I also know that there will be strong physical impacts from the surgery - at the time and later. At the same time, it is what I need to do, and I will find my way through whatever comes up as a result. Wishing everyone as much positive energy, sexual pleasure and joy as you can find in amongst this journey, whatever stage you're at.ReplyDelete
I had a Laproscopic Sypracervical Hysterectomy in 11/2011 due to a uterine fibroid that was deep in the uterine wall as well as menorrhagia (severe heavy bleeding and clotting). I have suffered with this for several years and after turning 50 years old, I decided enough was enough. Thank goodness I have a wonderful employer (who experienced the same), as she has given me much time off work for this condition. The heavy periods have left me drained of energy, anemic and white as a ghost. I researched the different ablation methods out there (i.e.NovaSure, etc), but was told that due to my previous C-Section, I wouldn't be a good candidate for it. A friend of mine started having problems with hers, so I decided not to do it. She had the ablation performed by a female doctor who ended up damaging (burning a huge hole through her bowel). My friend was running a fever, called the doctor's office and the doctor dismissed her as if she had the flu. She called again the next day and the nurse wanted her to come in and sent her to the ER immediately. After enduring the problems with her ruptured bowel, scarring and get this...her periods came back after about 2-3 years...she decided to have a hysterectomy. I have never seen her so happy and vibrant since she had the surgery. There were 2 doctors who performed the surgery and repaired the bowel. She recommended her doctor to me and my husband and I interviewed him and met with him twice before making a decision. He was very knowledgeable, experienced, compassionate and took the time to answer all of our questions and gave us different options. I decided on the hysterectomy and my husband has supported me all the way. That was back in Nov, 2011 and four months later I am loving the fact that I am not house-bound and my husband having to buy me a truck-load of tampons and pads to prevent accidents when I did have to go out. I'm loving that I haven't bled in four months and that I have more energy and I look and feel so much better without all that blood loss every month. And the kicker is my sex life is still wonderful! Like you, Betsy, orgasm is a high priority for me. And, yes, I was about your age when I had my first, so I can't live without it and I WON'T PERIOD! No pun intended. As I was healing after my surgery, I admit I was worried that my sex life might change especially after I started looking at all the negative websites out there...it started to weigh heavy on my MIND...get it...MIND. I tend to be a worrier and I have had depression in the past, which didn't help reading these sites. By the way, I sent several of them to my husband and he saw yours (the last and only one I will every read). He said, Betsy is right-on! :D
Thank you for getting another positive message out to our daughters, mothers, sisters and friends who are suffering. The best I can give you is my experience and that is the first orgasm after my surgery was beautiful and emotional. My husband said, "See you can still do it...you're worrying for no reason." He's right. My mind will sabbotage me every time. We are still intimate and at the same times each week as before my surgery although I would like it every morning our work doesn't permit it. I'm still having intense orgasms (oh...and he is too :D) and I have to say that the orgasms are uniquely different...they seem to be more intense maybe not as drawn out...but still very pleasureable. And my G-Spot has really been talking to me more than ever before...I've been doing my kegels. So, ladies, don't forget the kegels and find a knowledgeable and compassionate doctor and ask him/her questions for as long as you need to make an informed decision whether this surgery is right for you...if it does't feel right, interview another doctor... I did.
I had a sub total hysterectomy in November 2011. Prior to the surgery, I did a lot of research and read some real horror stories! I nearly cancelled the surgery at the last minute as I was so scared. However, given that I had suffered with fibroids,adhesions and polyps for nearly 10 years and was unable to have intercourse, I decided to go ahead with the surgery. I am so glad that I did, as I have lost over two stone in weight and my body is healthy and strong. I had sex for the first time in February this year and what can I say? It was as good,if not better than ever. I continue to have the most mind-blowing orgasms, which I thought were lost forever. I know each woman will respond differently to an hysterectomy, but I just wanted to share my story that not all hysterectomies end your sex life.ReplyDelete
From the above positive few testimonies there may be one conclusion, NOT every woman's sex life has been destroyed by hysterectomy. Why has it destroyed MINE...?ReplyDelete
I had not been suffering long or so much from my fibroids, menstruation, or bleeding. Prior to the surgery, I had not been a wife or mother and still needed my uterus badly, not for the procreation...but to be there. A childless woman is already deprived of some crucial part of her womanhood, and that's enough misery per one head.
My sex life was occasional but ... wonderful, I was a sensual kind. Half of my adult life was in celibacy but I was satisfying myself pretty well, and enjoyed it, could be even better than with a men. I could feel the beauty of sex, orgasm, with all my body, myself and DEFINITELY I was this kind of a woman who had enjoyed the "uterine orgasm" most of all. (I learnt about it after I had lost it).
Hysterectomy has ended my sex life for me. I have been sore, dry, feeling absolutely nothing erotic anymore. My body, my remaining female parts, my breasts are numb, unsensitive and no wanting in my brain.
I was curious... so I had tried to have sex with my boyfriend a few months after the surgery and it was only painful and very disappointing, like a torture. His touching was unpleasent and with no impact on me. With losing my periods I have lost all my sex drive. I am feeling steadily and equally depressed. My ovaries, my vagina, cervix... without my physiological periods and uterus are useless and do not play any role in my erased sexuality, sensuality.
I consulted many psychologists, psychiatrists, spent a long time in psychotherapy, but it has not helped me in any single way to regain the loss... I have been so tired out, fatigued and I had to give up working as well.
Could it be predicted that for me hysterectomy is the last or NO option...? Yes, definitely so.
Did I tell you that I love your site?!
Thank you again for giving us women a platform to voice our concerns over this debated subject.
I made a comment on Feb 25, 2012 regarding my Laproscopic Sypracervical Hysterectomy.
Almost 6 months post surgery I don't regret my decision in having this procedure.
And, I asked my husband after we made love today, "did I do the right thing honey?"
He reminded me of my heavy bleeding and anemia, lack of energy, severe mood swings and physical changes each month in addition to the menorrhagia that dictated my work schedule and social life.
I told him later that I found a pair of panties that have been missing for a year or more..they were in a zip-lock baggie in one of the purses that I was going to donate to goodwill today. Most of you will know why they were there, but for those who haven't experienced heavy bleeding, I have had to keep extra panties and work pants in my car or purse (not to mention a truck load of tampons and pads) for the last few years for accidents that were sure to happen while on the job, grocery shopping, etc. So, my husband said with a resounding "YES! You did the right thing!"
You may be wondering why I asked my husband if I did the right thing. From an early age I have been very orgasmic, and it's gotten stronger through the years. With the right technique, I can orgasm within less than 30 seconds, and it still happens post-surgery during ovulation; however other times it takes more time (15-20 minutes now) and sometimes we default to a vibrator...which we did pre-surgery...it's just an understanding we have with each other...no pressure...no frustration...different times of the month mean different buttons to push and different techniques and tools...like your graph, Betsy! I love that! So, for the most part our love life hasn't changed...I have an orgasm 3-4 x's/week. They are all different...intense...quiet...explosive...short...fat..skinny...but they are all orgasms...there is NO reason to complain about an orgasm, as an ORGASM is an ORGASM is an ORGASM!!!
Enjoy the moment and celebrate it!!!
By the way, if you are feeling pain, be sure to use plenty of lubrication. I use Astroglide, which my doctor recommended over KY Jelly, as the latter must be too thick.
Since I've had orgasms from an early age and they are part of my pattern of breathing, eating, sleeping, etc. they are who I am and I REFUSE to live life without them...they are on my priority list and I will never surrender to the idea of what I've heard..."no feeling, no itch, no orgasm...nothing."
I strongly believe that when there's a will there's a way!
We are have been given this beautiful body and it can heal itself as well as our mind...it's up to you...to try exercise, massage therapy, aroma therapy, deep breathing, kegels, music (soft), healthy foods (i.e. fruits and veggies, juicing)and lots of variations of love-making.
You have the power to change your libido, your desire, your life...
What is your focus?
Is it negative feedback? Negativity will surely bring you down to your knees and sadly you'll end up living out all the negative things that you heard/read about.
If you think positively and you surround yourself with positive people and what is working for them, then you will be a much happier person and not wanting to end your life like some who commented earlier. You will want to live your life to the full! And you will make it happen.
Sugery is a huge leap! Write down the pro's and con's, which I did. Then find a GREAT Doctor who can answer ALL of your questions. If it doesn't feel right, find another doctor. And, do your research! Good health to you all.
Thank you, Betsy, for allowing us to express concerns on this issue!
Sex became more enjoyable for me after my hysterectomy because I started to value it more. I participate more with my husband rather than just lying there... I tell him what I want, I work to get satisfaction and give it, I watch female-friendly porn and read erotic literature to get in the mood, I am INTO IT like never before. My husband loves the new horny me. And orgasms... YES YES YESReplyDelete
I need urgent help from those of you without a uterus and ovaries. For me the surgery killed my sex life entirely. I used to have a wonderful sex life with explosive toe curling uterine orgasms. All of that is gone. No libido, and very sad and unsatisfying attempts at having sex. It doesn't help that the stress from all this has caused a rift between me and my husband and we have been separated for almost a year (I had surgery a year and a half ago). This is all unbearable, but what's worse is that I no longer feel anything. I could hold a new baby and feel nothing, stare at a beautiful sunset and feel nothing, land in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and feel nothing. Just a void. As if I have been cut off from all energy, from my own soul. Are any of you (especially those who used to have uterine orgasms)feeling this disconnect? Please help, people tell me I have been through a lot and that I'm feeling the impact of depression, but I have been depressed before and never felt this way before. It's maddening and I'm on the edge of suicide.ReplyDelete
I'm so sorry to hear your story. Unfortunately that feeling of "emotional flatness" is not uncommon after a total hysterectomy. There's a great deal of literature to back this up, and personal accounts. Actually I've spoken with women in "natural" menopause as well who say they don't feel as much emotion as they used to, don't feel so involved with their family and so on. You didn't mention if you were started on hormone replacement. If not, please, visit an endocrinologist. All of our hormones work in synergy, so even our thyroid and adrenals are effected by a lack of estrogen. ALso, we may have enough hormones, but they aren't getting in to our receptors. Make sure that the doctor does a full hormonal panel on you. Have her check your dopamine and serotonin levels as well, and make sure she does a full adrenal panel. Only with this information will you know what, if any, chemical reasons there are for this monumental change. I had blood work done when I felt this way, although I was not suicidal. It turned out that I had plenty of serotonin in my system, but virtually no dopamine. It also showed that my adrenals had shut down. Our adrenals "take over" much of the work of our ovaries, making testosterone and other hormones which make us feel good and engaged in life.Delete
I mention the dopamine/serotonin production because depletion of either one can cause depression. Most anti-depressants increase serotonin, but there is one which helps us hold on to ddopamine. Dopamine, by the way, is a real booster to the libido.
Please, hang in there. There is help.
Dear friend; I'm sorry for what you are felt right now, but I think maybe you had put too much of the lost of your uterus into your mind, and had felt that your life is miserable. I had diagnose with a large fibroid grew inside my uterus, and I'm going to see a specialist Dr. Next week, but I'm not scare or worry about nothing, because if I have to remove my uterus to survive, I'll do it without fear of anything, and my husband he is supporting me 100 percent, I had told him that after my uterus removal, my sex life may not be the same any more, and guess what he said? He said "we love each other so much not because of sex only, nut because God had put us to be together. Do not worry about anything else but your health right now, everything will be ok, and I still love you no matter what happen". I think if we have to remove our uterus to survival it is a blessing already, a lot of people had lost of their limbs, their kidney, or even lost of everything they still want to live. Please, rethink about what you had said that you did not had feeling for everything... Why?... You should thanks God for your life, enjoy it everyday, get rid all of the negative though, and ask God to give you his peace and trusting him, I believe that one day you will found the good man who is truly love you, and make your life more enjoyable, and find the sexual sensation again without the fear of all the negative feeling because the lost of your uterus.Delete
By the way, I'm 50 now, I had three wonderful sons,and a grand baby girl. I have reasons to live, cause my husband,my families, and friends they are all care about me, and I believed your families, and friends does care about you too so be strong and be faithful in God, he will give you the life to live with joy, and happiness. Best wishes to you.
I had all those feelings for 2 mthsDelete
I cried a lot which helped me get out stress and feeling of failure of being alive
I have small amounts of pain relief medication from doctors and it helps me relax and achieve orgasm with help of paitenence with partner and toys
I would love to chat if you want to email me
I'm a survivor of breast cancer double mastectomy and hysterectomy
I'm getting the sense that women who used to have uterine orgasms may be most negatively affected by the surgery. Has any body out there who used to have uterine orgasms managed to rebuild their sex lifes and lead a normal fulfilling life after removal of uterus and ovaries? Please help.ReplyDelete
every woman who has uterus has a uterine orgasm, why not?Delete
That is not true. I understand this is many moons later. I have always had an awesome sex life before hysterectomy and after. I never had uterine ones, only clitorial. It is a lot in your mind.Delete
Betsy, I'm so happy I came across your blog and this post in particular. Thank you for sharing your experience and for your positive and encouraging attitude. I had a hysterectomy not too long ago and right now my experience with orgasms is exactly as you describe: Good but something is missing. For me the missing part seems to be the release part. Although I'm able to climax and feel pleasure as before, I don't feel the full body physical and mental release I used to feel. I'm wondering if in the absence of the uterus, and after some practice, vaginal and pelvic floor muscles get more engaged in the process and start contracting during orgasm? Is that what you mean by your orgasm relocating itself? You start feeling it in other muscles? I'm thinking that without muscles contracting somewhere it's hard for the orgasm to transfer to other parts of your body and stays local to the area.ReplyDelete
The problem with all kinds of possible orgasmic contractions after the hysterectomy comes from the fact that the muscles you are talking about...(vaginal, pelvic) do not work properly any more. The pelvic floor muscles become loose, the supporting ligaments have been cut, so the contractions become weaker.Delete
to Anonymous 23 April above:ReplyDelete
I am feeling as you are. /uterus removed, cervix ovaries left, fibroids/. I have lost all sexual drive and all kinds of feelings. As If I have been cut off from life, myself, the source of my vitality.
Physical discomforts are bothering me too. Bladder, bowel, the scar, numb legs/feet, headache, insomnia. If I manage to fall asleep, it is shallow, brain does not relax; in dreaming I feel tired, aware of castration on subconscious level too.
After waking up- another horrible confrontation with reality, full bladder painful unnaturally & no energy to get up on leaden, "anting" legs/feet.
My weakening was gradual. In a year I have collapsed completely. I tried to committ suicide because the suffering was unbearable. I was in psychiatric hospital where I was put to pharmacological coma, but I did not agree to the electric shock treatment, it was a nightmare.
I have lost memory, can't read. I loved music- now it irritates me. I can't read poetry because it appeals to my blocked feelings which takes me to the verge of madness. I had to separate from my lover & female friends. Anything connected with life is too painful.
Then came anxiety attacks, panic disorder, severe heart palpitation, high blood pressure. Menopausal hot flashes appeared 2/3 years after surgery; vaginal dryness have appeared right after the surgery.
Before the surgery I was optimistic, thinking that uterus is an "optional" organ, causing me painful periods, bleeding & that's where my knowledge ended. I was NOT aware of my uterine orgasm either & of the benefits of my menstruation.
In the first few months after the surgery, I tried going back to normal life, sex, but it all vanished, no excitement, no orgasm, pain. I did not have any energy to have sex at all. Going up the stairs is hard enough.
I did not suspect such changes, I was told by the doctors (& some other women) that my surgery was not total so everything would be as before.
I agree with you that it is MUCH MORE SEVERE than depression. All the time I have been on the pills which do not help profoundly but only have diminished a little my unbearable level of suffering & suicidal thinking. Probably I am sentenced to such pills for life.
Psychotherapy treatment in support groups helped me to accept my loss & my slowly dying...I had a tragic accident (surgery) & I have to go thru all the consequences.
I leave my bed once in a while with difficulty, to get some food but there is no difference what I eat, or wear; I lost taste, appetite. I have aged visibly & If I stay alive & outlive my parents, I am facing the worst kind of nursing home (now 45).
I'm sorry if I am not giving hope for restoring your previous self or better condition. May be you will, hopefully... I just wanted to tell you that you are NOT the only one.
And my advice is: do not force yourself to doing things, if you feel it is not in your possibility yet; it had made me feel much worse to force myself to make love & fully expierence the loss, so I had to go to psychiatric hospital). I think it would be humanitarian for cases like mine to provide the euthanasia option.
Anyway, I am profoundly exhausted, heart problem, smoke too much, so hopefully my life & suffering will end naturally...one day.
Obviously, some women lose it all after the surgery, some can regain something, some can still enjoy life, nature.
The worst time for me to survive is spring & summer.
I think the HERS information is regarding the cases like me.
I would respectfully suggest that you visit an endocrinologist. Some women have their ovaries left intact, but the ovaries stop producing anything due to the blood supply being cut off. Extreme fatigue and depression like you describe are not unheard of after hysterectomy.Delete
It sounds like you experienced an abrupt surgical menopause. HRT can help, and special attention should be paid to your adrenals and thyroid by the endocrinologist. All of our hormones work together synergistically. WHen they do blood work, have them check both your levels of serotonin and dopamine.
If you have little or no dopamine, wellbutrin can be a God-send, and it can help with both libido and pain during intercourse.
I don't think the hysterectomy was or is your problem...ReplyDelete
You are wrong. You have no idea. Good for you, though.Delete
An earlier post said neutered animals don't try to have sex. Not true. My cat was neutered after he had matured and sired a litter of kittens. He and his kitty "wife" go at it every time she goes into heat. I don't think his "stuff" works, but he doesn't know. And he is castrated.ReplyDelete
I'm faced with endometrial cancer and am debating hysterectomy as advised or more risky D&C with mirena for progesterone therapy. It definately makes it harder to choose hysterectomy when women talk about being mutilated and wishing they were dead as it is better than being castrated. Is that true? will that be true for me? should I refuse the hysterectomy and face the risk of death by endometrial cancer or the higher than average ovarian cancer associated with it (as I'm only 37).
I am the sole care taker of my 8 year old daughter with developmental delay and my husband who has recently been disabled from a psychotic breakdown (bipolar and anxiety suddenly crippled him without any previous symptoms). What will happen to them if I die of cancer? What will happen to them if I die from suicide due to depression/side effects from a hysterectomy? Its a catch 22, the old double-edged sword.
Thanks Betsy, for giving me a little hope, if only temporarily. I'm mad at myself for reading the other posts, since it quickly destroyed the little hope and relief I felt.
I'm sorry for all the women who feel they have been ruined, mutilated, manipulated, conned, and duped. Something tells me though, perhaps many of them always had one reason or another to not be happy.
There's no way to know beforehand how your body will react. One thing I will tell you is to visit more than one surgeon, and if at all possible, travel to a cancer center to have your treatment. It can make a great deal of difference in how you are treated.Delete
DO as much research as you can and ask a ton of questions. I had endometrial cancer and it is a slow growing cancer which isn't overly invasive. You have time. One surgeon told me I had a slightly higher risk of ovarian cancer, another told me that there is no increase in ovarian cancer risk at all. They tell you about the ovarian cancer "risk" to encourage you to have your ovaries taken at the same time your uterus is removed.
Current thinking about most endometrial cancer suggests that the cervix and ovaries can be safely retained if you are in stage 0 or stage 1. That's a quantum leap forward in thinking from just a decade ago. But a lot of surgeons are living in the past. Many surgeons are more concerned about covering their own asses from litigation than they are about your mental health and your orgasm. Therefore they insist on ovarian removal and cervix removal. It's more for their good than yours.
Do your homework.
I was right with you until your last sentence, which is presumptuous.
thank you, I appreciate your reply. I have seen two gyn oncologists, one at Dana Farber in Boston. The doctor at DF (a male) said hysterectomy with ovarian conservation. The other doctor (a female) at Dartmouth-Hitchcock said a conservative treatment approach, although with increased risk, is possible with close supervision. My concern with DF is that he had no understanding of research that indicates many women under 40 who have a hysterectomy end up with ovarian failure within 3-5 years anyway.Delete
I understand my last sentence was presumptuous. This is kind of an opinion blog. It is directed more towards the people who are bitter and say that those who are well adjusted following their surgeries are in denial. It is, as you said, a varying degree as to how one chooses and responds to treatment. However, those who are mean, bitter, and rude to people who have different experiences can unwittingly take away comfort from those who don't have as many other choices. If one would rather be dead than go through a total hysterectomy (and really it could be any hysterectomy if a large percentage end up with ovarian failure eventually) it may discourage people with cancer to just go home and die.
I have decided to live dangerously and take a conservative approach to my treatment. A D&C and the Mirena, coupled with weightloss. I will have biopsies every 3 months and if no reversal is detected within 6 months then I will have the surgery.
*encourage -not discourage, just noticed that, sorryDelete
Neutered animals DO try to have sex!!! I saw my neutered male dog violating our new un-spayed female dog!!! Whooo hooo!!ReplyDelete
And- the woman with the depression and aggression toward Besty- you need to go get some psychological help.
Betsy seems to be in an awesome place in her life and mental status. She is not in denial while YOU are al sorts of pissed off. Go tae care of you and stop picing on those of us who are OK with our lives, choices, lack of organs and presence of PHENOMINAL, EARTH SHATTERING, POST-Hysterectomy Orgasms!! (No fantasies here... the Earth is real).
I was "neutered" (like your dog) and I also DID try to have sex!!!Delete
By the way, why did you do it to your dog???
The MIND is the BIGGEST SEX ORGAN! It's true. I'm feeling areas in my female parts that I never knew existed pre-surgery. My husband tells me how wet I am since the surgery. I did keep my ovaries and cervix, but according to my doctor it is not known if keeping the cervix really plays a roll in sexual stimulation. I think about sex 24/7 which might have a part in how much I want it...the MIND again. And, it triggers the intense feeling down there. All I can say is that orgasms are just as wonderful now as they were before.ReplyDelete
I do not understand one thing, why are you speaking about the MIND as some separate organ that is working as if independently from the other organs?ReplyDelete
Am I to understand that my MIND has nothing "to do" with my other parts, speaking of sex organs as well?
I am unable to force my MIND to forget about it, and even less able to make it function as if I had my whole body complete.
How do you achieve this successful condition in which you can function after hysterectomy in the same way as you were functioning before?
Is there any reasonable, medically objective answer to this question at all?
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this post.ReplyDelete
I had a total laporascopic hysterectomy on Friday and had my first orgasm today (Wednesday). Just like you described I thought, "Well that was nice, but where's the rest of it?" It was as I had feared - my ability to feel those deep, fabulous uterine orgasms is gone. I won't say I'm bereft - yet - because I know I'm not fully healed. But I am sad and I really hope that something similar to those comes back for me.
Before surgery my (female) doctor poopooed my concerns and talked about the clitoral orgasm as if it was the only kind. I *know* that's not true. :/
Thank you for writing such a brave post.
Clitoral orgasm, uterine orgasm, vaginal orgasm...?Delete
Orgasm is of one kind expierence, phenomenal, unique, when it's whole and total. It comes from all the areas and parts working together. Nobody denies (unless crazy...) that the uterus plays a major role in it. The woman has most of her sex "equipment" inside.
Sexual inability after the surgery is a physical fact. It has nothing to do with the "power of mind" or "positive vs negative thinking".
to "think" positively about castration (the removal of sex organ) is the contradiction in terms.
to enjoy sex after... is extremely difficult for the poor mind alone, because a major sexual organ is physically (not mentally) missing.
It is harmful for the post-op. woman with sexual loss to convince her that her sexuality depends mostly on "her mind" ...
In consequence, she will blame her MIND, herself or her sexual partner, for NOT feeling what she could feel before the surgery. Why to lead her to self-accusation, self-denial, why to destroy her mental condition?
What the sexually handicapped woman really needs, is to help her understand, acknowledge, accept and adjust her life, herself, as such, to the loss of her sexual being
You are such an asshole. Every time someone tries to muster some courage to speak up about a scary and emotionally trying time they are going through, you log on to explain how I am crazy, castrated, and statistically irrelevant.Delete
Now sexually handicapped. Nice.
I am not saying that orgasms are wholly in the mind. But neither are they wholly a bodily thing. I'm going to venture out on a limb and say that the mind and the body are connected. Is that really contentious?
Loss of her sexual being, good God. I had sex 12 hours ago, and it was amazing, and then I get to this stupid comment from you in my inbox about "loss of sexual being" and blah blah blah. Quit being such an asshole on the internet already!
Betsy, I am NOT an 'asshole'. I have a painful vagina during intercourse, dry, narrowed, and NO orgasm. Why can't you believe that? It is so egoistic and one-sided of you toDelete
push your version only. You behave like a 'toddler', me, me..., and only me...
I will pray for you anon. You should pray too. Good work, Betsy, don't let this troll bring you down. Pray for it. It needs prayers.Delete
No I aqree with Betsy on this one. I found this blog tonight and I cannot begin to tell you how relieved i am to finally find something on the Internet that does not say that I am castrating myself that life goes on...I am so sick of you people scaring me half to death. I have not meant one live body who said that it was worth it to have a hysterectomy. not one person among my gigantic circle of friends and family has affirmed all these horror stories. I'm sure they happen to someone, but for goodness sake, I can actually "see myself" as Betsy because that sounds exactly like what I will do when I have mine in 2 weeks. I found myself to an orgasm, I actually see a life after a partial hysterectomy again, FINALLY now that I've read Betsy's blog. I just have to stop reading all the scare tactics on the Internet. Seriously you people freak me out. I've had enough.Delete
It is 3.38 in the morning and I am on the sofa having left my husband in our bed four hours ago after our first attempt at making love 8 weeks post subtotal Keyhole hysterectomy. I am one of 'those' women who, despite what I considered intensive research, three different doctor's opinions and even watching the operation on Youtube, now realize that I didn't ask the right questions or missed the whole post op. bit all together!
Prior to the op., I was only concerned about things that could go wrong during surgery and that seemed enough to cope with and now well, I feel so stupid.
This feeling is actually made worse by the fact that the surgery was a total success, no complications or initial physiological problems or so I thought. But, with time I now realize that I have lost all sensation in my breasts and other regions, I had no idea that I could feel so numb. My husband, who after 15 years I still fancied the pants off, could be a total stranger to me. I feel nothing when he touches me, despite the fact he does everything the same. Interestingly enough, pre op., I was also one of those blessed with uterine contractions so intense that I often had to put a pillow over my head for fear of upsetting the neighbors! Now, and what reduced me to tears was that when he kissed the back of my neck (which used to drive me wild and beyond), my thighs tingled but there was absolutely no feeling in the whole of my torso region.
I have read so many blogs and just want to say first off, yours gave me hope. So much so that I have written this ( I have never posted anything and probably never will again). And having read all of them, and despite feeling very sorry for myself(neutered cat made me cry), I feel more sorry for those people out there that need to prove a point, when there isn't one to prove. I am so sad and feel broken BUT I know have to rally round and hope there is an improvement. Many who read this will say, it is far too early anyway but that doesn't make my anxiety any less, especially as my problem is one of those things that none has mentioned getting better. I only hope that the very positive former me can resurface and I think reading your blog was a very good first step. I can go back to bed now.
I was in your exact shoes. I started the bio-identical pellet implants and finally got my life back. Wanted sex 24 hrs a day, but never achieved the orgasms I had pre-op. But they are very close. I have nothing but a vagina. I have to have above normal amounts of estrodial and testosterone pellets, and 200 mg of progesterone in pill form to balance that outso that I do not get estrogen dominance. If I miss a dose of progesterone, my breast swell and I get very irritable w/ like pms symptoms. The only problem is when the pellets run out, I know its time to get more. My husband is doing the testosterone pellets and his penis has increased in girth and length. He is also on warfarin for a blood clotting disorder which has caused my blood flow and acts like viagra.he touches places in me that he never touched before. He stays horney most of the time. I know that our sex life is better than ever. We are having sex almost every day and sometimes wake up at 2am wanting each other. I just wanted everyone out there to know there is hope. I am 50 next month and he is 53. Blessings to all!!!Delete
After reading all these posts, it saddens me to see some people carelessly taking the last glimmer of hope from the hopeless. Many people have a choice regarding a hysterectomy, but some do not. Should they let themselves rot from cancer to save their hormones and organs? I pray not. Please don't be so hostile and have respect for people looking to ease their anxiety when all their choices are taken away. Yes, its important for women to be educated and know the possible effects, but each woman is different and responds differently. No need to be cruel towards others who have responded differently.ReplyDelete
Quick question to readers: this blog gets a fair bit of traffic. A lot of the comments are pure garbage from the HERS foundation spreading their whacktivism across the internet, posing as different people to make the same rancid point about "sexual castration" etc.ReplyDelete
Do you, dear readers, think I should be deleting this crap? Or should I let them make fools of themselves and help me prove my point about them? Or should I be trying to keep this comment board safe from their brand of nonsense?
Yes, you should, they are trolls who wish to only harm others! God Bless You for your post, and for caring. I think your GOOD news should not be a debate.Delete
Total radical hysterectomy cervical cancer n no sex yet, but still love your message of hope!
I have never posted to a blog before until I came across yours. I have posted 3 times, because I am okay after my surgery and I want to give your readers some hope and encouragement as you have. I was reading the comments to your blog weekly the first few months after my surgery; however, I stopped reading lately because of the negative comments from some of your readers. I was hesitant about reading the comments this evening (it's been 3 weeks now) because I didn't want to be reminded by hopeless, bitter and negative women that I will never be whole again even though I know and feel that I am a sexual being without my uterus.
If one was to look at the statistics, millions of women have had and will have their uteruses removed (celebrities, musicians, actors, our friends, neighbors, and co-workers, etc). One of your readers implies that millions of us are walking around portraying ourselves as women when we're acutally not sexual beings, but the equivilent of a eunuch. Please don't let this get out because my husband still sees me as a woman, admires me as a woman loves me as woman, and I respond as a woman, a sexual being!
Unfortunately, many of us have lost body parts, limbs, breasts, and internal organs due to illness, accidents, etc. However, I am inspired and uplifted by many of these amazing human beings who use their mind and spirit and faith to push their bodies, sans their body parts, to do great things e.g. marathons, olympics, alpine skiing, typing with their toes (to name just a few) and yes even having meaningful sex with orgasms.
The mind, body and spirit are amazing. That is what I need to focus on; not hopelessness and dispair after my surgery. I need encouragement and positive feedback from those who had the surgery and what is working for them.
Thank you again for your blog and your insight on this issue.
Sigh. These people are very difficult to go up against. It is difficult to keep this post up knowing that some people see it as an open invitation to send me regular reminders that I'm "castrated" and blah blah blah. What is driving these people? Back when I couldn't see through their drivel, I saw them crash blog posts and message boards by flooding it with their unique brand of crazy and terrifying all the time, and I guess it's important to me not to let them do that here. But they are definitely sucking the pleasure out of this blog space and I often think how nice it would be to shut it down so I would never ever ever have to hear from one of them ever again.Delete
Oh, also, thanks for commenting. It's always nice to hear from a human being.Delete
Your blog is very much needed but wrong people write wrong things here.
It should be noted that your supportive blog is created for the women who don't expierence problems after the surgery and no other cases are welcome here. It only disturbs, irritates, and undermines the well being of the women who can still enjoy life after the surgery. Other stories undermine hope that every woman cherishes before she goes for the surgery.
To the women writing about their problems:
If you don't want to "make the fools of yourselves", don't speak about your negative expierence on the blog which is meant for the better cases, where there is no problem needed, because you will be negated, ridiculed, denied.
The 'messanger of the bad news' should be punished. It works like that.
The HERS is the 'messanger of bad news' and every woman whose expierence 'matches their description' is suspected as well.
For the women who suffer after the surgery there is the HERS, with support and full understanding of the problem. The HERS should also provide help after..., beside 'the scarry tactics' to stop some women from undergoing the hysterectomy perhaps.
Join the Sirens Club, if you are unable to 'ride a unicorn' anymore. But remember that you are not the only one in this boat.
The Sirens will understand and welcome you. They know that they are beautiful seducing creatures but they also know that they are somehow ... unable to make love with a human anymore.
Arguing with Betsy and some other women on her blog...? it's ridiculous and only makes her mad and abusive, justifiably, because it is an attack on her feelings
This comment is so passive aggressive. You "Anonymous" person who just happens to be dropping by to drive traffic to your website and to call me "abusive." HERS is not the "messanger of bad news," it's a profit-driven organization that is trying to make a lucrative niche out of women who already have enough sorrow, fear, and uphill battle on their plates. You are so much like the "enemy" you insist is "castrating" women for profit that it's disturbing. That you can't see the irony is disturbing on so many levels. Did your hysterecomy make you a sociopath? I know so many women who did not experience that "side-effect."Delete
I have no desire to silence women of any background or experience, but you seem more predatory than honest to me.
Wow! Betsy, I see your dilemma in whether to shut this portion of your blog down. I could not believe the last anonymous comment from one of your readers. In her ambiguous way of communicating, not only was she condescending, but definitely passive agressive. It's interesting that she mentioned arguing with you or me or others who are doing well, makes you abusive, when actually it's the passive agressive person who is a master at covert abuse! Whatever you decide regarding your blog, I will support you 100%. Many thanks, good health and good sex to you!ReplyDelete
~Tulips (an affectionate name from my hubby)
I KNOW, right? And she (it?) always takes such great care to make it sound like we are the outliers in this "debate." This post is a personal story, not a scenario invented to any other end then to tell my story.Delete
Betsy, I'm so grateful that you told your story and gave us a platform to relate our positive experiences. I love the last words of your story and what you have experienced. "...please relax. Just keep trying some different combinations of buttons and dials. Try not to think about it too hard. You'll figure it out. Be kind to yourself. Above all trust your body/mind/soul's ability to heal and don't pay a lick of attention to anyone who tells you that you can't!" I agree with you totally. Your words are compassionate and encouraging to millions of women who are facing this issue. You are awesome!ReplyDelete
Thank you. And congratulations, you are commenter #69.Delete
This comment has been removed by the author.Delete
Dear commenters: This comment board isn't closed... yet... but I will be deleting spammy garbage posts by the HERS foundation whose despicable intentions are obvious to me.ReplyDelete
I'm so sorry to relate my postivie experience on your post.
I never have been in a chat room before and never have responded to a post until after my hyst 9 months ago. You gave me hope.
I started to read you blog and this post and I couldn't stop following... I'm sure you know that I commented the first time on Feb 25, then again on Apr 2 and May 5, May 15, Jun 27 and July 4 and 5. However, this will be the last time that I comment. My writing style is nothing even close to passive/aggressive. I'm not sure if you intended that reply to me or someone else. In fact, I'm more passive than I should be by societies standards. I know this is your story and your post; however, I thought that you wanted us to tell our experience as well, and I have needed to tell mine every day and month along the way after my hyst 9 months ago, and it was my mistake to call it a platform to let us tell our story. My apologies. One of your writers expressed the c-section, which I had in addition to an appendectomy 11 months prior to my hysterectomy. I have had my shares of 9 cuts to my tummy and organs, and I am a survivor like you and I will never ever speak negatively about you or this life-changing experience that we have both gone through. Thank you for letting me tell my story! I must admit that I am tearing up writing this, as you were my last ray of hope, and I am a little emotional tonight. I look forward to meeting you some day.. Kellie
Okay, I forgot to say one last thing before I say "good-bye" and that is my husband looked up at me in bed tongight and said that I have white hair on the left side of my upper lip, so I let NADS do the work and I am up writing to you. He will tread lightly tomorrow, but we will be okay. Love you, Betsy!ReplyDelete
Hey Betsy! Just wanted to thank you for your post and for sharing your story! I'm gonna have a complete hyst 2 weeks from today and I'm really excited at the thought of no more pain! I have per-cancerous cells on my cervix (my dr actually called to tell me she was sure I had cervical cancer, but turns out I do not) but it scares me a lot. I also have a swollen uterus, never the same after a severe infection caused by my iud, and I have poly cystic ovaries. My cysts get to be the size of softballs and then they rupture. I was told I'd never have kids ... I have 2 beautiful, healthy boys, ages 4 and 2. All my problems, even my thyroid condition went away while I was pregnant, but ever since I had my last one, whom I lovingly call my monster haha, my cysts are back and so is my thyroid problem. My pelvic area hurts constantly. I think I might have endometriosis but haven't been diagnosed. I opted to have a hysterectomy. 2 biological kids and 3 stepdaughters means I'm done! Sorry I'm rambling but it's 2 am so my husband would be pretty frustrated if I woke him up to talk about this right now. Point of my story - I was never scared about sexual dysfunction until tonight. I was on some website and it mentioned the possibility. Made me cry and scared the crap out of me! I googled the subject and found your blog. So glad I did! I'm gonna go through with my surgery because I think it's in my best interest. I'll be 31 next week so waiting for menopause isn't an option for me in my mind. But I refuse to believe that I won't enjoy my husband anymore. I don't have a history of depression, which I hope will work in my favor. Nervous about what sex will be like, but not scared. We'll figure it out. I don't have people to talk to that have been through this that I know really, but you were so open with your story, so I hope I'm not crossing the line by asking, did you have any outwardly physical changes post op? I read a lot about weight gain. Any issues with that? I hope exercise and diet will workbut I read that it's normal to gain 20+ pounds??!! I hope that's an exagerrationReplyDelete
oh god love you betsy.ReplyDelete
I was trying to put my finger on the missing bit of my orgasm, it wasnt through lack of trying, tearing the ears of my partner and still not "finalising it" yes the contractions of my uterus is what I miss and long for. Right now my orgasms feel so odd, like pre ejacualtion muct be for a man. So not fufilling.
I hope it improves as you blogged, thank you ladies for the mature support....
okay... so i didn't read all the comments... but i get the point .. some say yes you can still orgasm and some say no....ReplyDelete
i had an emergency hysterectomy last sept.. and let's just say i wasn't worried about that at all.. it's all the other things they had to do to me.. i just had my last surgery this past march and am on the road to a full recovery....
i did worry a bit about sex after surgery.. but since i was worried about other things and procedures i did not have to worry about sex so soon.... until recently... started dating someone who knew what was going on with me and was willing to wait till i was ready... awesome i know... long story short .... everything worked fine... there was no problem... heck i think he even mentioned that he had to stay up with me... i consider myself still very young and still have a long sex life ahead of me (i am only 41)...
the hysterectomy did not stop me from anything.. i don't even have to take hormones and i have had no problem losing weight..(i have heard that is a problem with some)
but i will have to say that this blog is pretty awesome and gave me much to look forward to as my relationship with this incredible man continues..
thank you ...
I'm going to keep my response simple - thank you. :-)ReplyDelete
Oh boy. Here I had my uterus removed a few weeks ago and I recently found myself feeling aroused, and I thought hmm can I have an orgasm? I hadn't read any literature on the subject or researched anything on the web pre-surgery, though I did talk to women who had the surgery. Anyway, feeling that desire I thought I'll give it a try and yes I noticed it was different. The first time I was disappointed, but I am a perfectionist and so naturally I tried again. The second time was better. So I researched and came upon this site. Now I'm thinking practice makes perfect.ReplyDelete
Now I say different, but I didn't say bad. I am very encouraged reading the posts from women like myself. Knowing the physical part can be worked out and I will get better as I heal, I am grateful for all the stories because I can see the psychological influence and just how in sync the two are.
As someone who has had a brain tumor, a heart attack this past March and now this surgery, and I can still orgasm... well there is certainly hope after having your uterus removed to experience womanhood. The uterus is only one reproductive organ. It makes me wonder why some women are so affected by the removal of just the uterus. It has to be more than physical.
Everything we do originates in the brain. Betsy I think you are so right when you talk about the mind. Sex if we all remember from reading resides there, it originates there. There are women who have all of their reproductive organs who don't orgasm... or who don't fully orgasm... thoughts can interrupt orgasm. Its a whole woman experience not a uterine only experience.
On a lighter note...I am a firm believer in healing, and I plan to do everything in my power and with God's help to be a healthy woman, emotionally first and then sexually they are symbiotic. And I am looking forward to all the practice to make my orgasms better and better :)
Thank you Betsy for your experience, I totally believe you and I plan to be as orgasmic as you are!
Yes, sex is not only physical. It is physical and psychological. So, how much you can make up for the physical loss post-op., now it depends on your mind. The responsibility for the outcome in your sex life, is shifted on your mind, which becomes your basic sex organ, it must 'replace' the absent uterus, so to say.ReplyDelete
The women having any psychological, personality, identity, integrity, neurotic problems before the surgery, have more problems with it after.
A weak mind and no uterus...? quite a deficit, it may create a major problem in later functioning
who sold you this narrative - your doctor or some outdated literature?Delete
The brain function is influenced by the hormones in our bodies.
I am aware that the brain functions stimulated first of all by hormones and complex biochemical processes. ( In myself, hysterectomy reduced my sexual function and response considerably).Delete
In my post I referred to what they call 'the power of mind', there is something to it as some women after hysterectomy do better than others. I do not.
Betsy, I had a hysterectomy a week ago and like a lot of people who've commented above, despite spending a lot of time researching the procedure beforehand I was more concerned pre-surgery about the operation itself, how I'd recover etc. My female doctor in going over the pro's and cons didn't mention sexual dysfunction at all, and all the patient information bumph I received basically said "if you had a good sex life before hysterectomy, you'll most likely have a good sex life after surgery". I can't tell you how many people came out of the woodwork before I went to hospital to say that having a hysterectomy was the best thing they ever did. For me there wasn't a whole lot of choice, it was a medical necessity. Only today when I started thinking about the whole orgasm thing did I think "Oh shit! what have I done!!" - Happily even though it's only been a few days, I still feel very interested in sex and I don't seem to have lost any sensation. I've been a bit scared to try an orgasm. YOUR POST CHEERED ME IMMEASURABLY and I am HUGELY grateful that you've maintained this post, despite the negative feedback. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!! - KateReplyDelete
Betsy, I too, have "different" not better, not worse...just different orgasms post hysterectomy. I am 38, I had my uterus and cervix removed. I, like you, had intense orgasms, wet the bed flopping orgasms. Four orgasms post surgery (not that long ago) and I too have the "where's the rest of it" feeling, but still they are fantastic!!! I kind of laugh now at myself, haven't needed to change the sheets, haven't had spasms for 5 minutes after so there is always some good with change! My orgasms, as they are are fine with me, what excited me is that I can have them EVERY DAY now and not just when I wasn't bleeding or in pain or having to tell him to STOP because of pain. I'll take 10 times MORE orgasms that are a bit less intense than less that are more intense! I loved em before...and I love them today. Different, yes. Still awesome! (7 weeks post op, by the way!)ReplyDelete
We are all learning to live well in different circumstances... and I admire how you deal with your own situation.
I do not underestimate the power of the mind to transcend difficulties. Pardon the analogy but a good DRIVER in a dilapidated CAR could still travel well (maybe not too smooth, though). A bad DRIVER, on the other hand, could not be trusted being in charge of a vehicle in excellent condition.
Perhaps the analogy is too simplistic but i hope that some people see the point.
More power to you, Betsy. The world needs GOOD DRIVERS like you.
I see your point but no driver, good or bad, will move a car without the engine and gas, ...Delete
As a woman I improve the quality of my orgasm infinitely when I have sex with a women instead of a man ... just sayinReplyDelete
Right on, the HERS has forgotten to put this after-effect on the list ..., turning into lesbianDelete
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That's right! Because everything a woman does after a hysterectomy is because of the hysterectomy, not because of the woman. Good, clear thinking, HERS Foundation. It's so easy to forget I'm not a person anymore, good thing you're around to remind me!Delete
I am NOT poor HERS Foundation but just another woman after hysterectomy. I wrote this ironic comment to the post that suggested making love to a woman in the context of the surgery, making me think, may be it's a good idea to avoid intercourse?Delete
Anal intercourse is not what I would like to try, oral is embarassinig because of the 'fishy' smell, a douche helps a little but not enough to feel comfortable, I must use lots of lubrication before and during ... Making love now is like a check-up visit at a doctor's or cosmetologist. What I miss most is my nipple sensation. As far as I remember, it was the best triggering part of the game, with my girlfriends too.
but I'm sure HERS Foundation has other, more important issues and tasks to do than just obsessive 'haunting' your private blog, Betsy.
This world-wide epidemy of hysterectomies for fibroids has to END, whether you like it or not. I'm afraid your blog is inviting these women too, whether you like it or not.
There are many types of different orgasms that women and men both have. I am scheduled to have my uterus and cervix removed on Tuesday and i am very nervous about this. I have no choice in this matter either, i have four fibroid tumors that are to large to just go in and remove without taking my uterus. I went online and looked up and studied what a orgasm was and what different parts of you body where a part of it. The brain they say does play a part. I think if you went online to this link it could help with the full understanding of a orgasm, and may give you a little hope when confronted with something like this. It did me. I am not diluting myself into thinking it will all be perfect after my surgery, but I have educated myself in every way possible. I know some people have issues after this type of surgery, but their are some that do not.ReplyDelete
Dear Betsy, thanks for your blog. I'll have to see a specialist Dr. tomorrow due to the ultrasound showed that I had a large fibroid inside my uterus. I did not scare at all, and I also believed that your brain had a lot to do with all parts in your body. I also believed in God, and his healing power, and I thankful to have had a lovely husband, who willing to go long side with me in life no matter what. We are a little sexually active, and my husband also believe in our love, and the joy together in life will help us to remaining the enjoyable our sex life no matter it will be worse or great after my uterus is remove. Your blog has helped me to not thinking negatively about having my uterus remove, cause they maybe different results for different people of pos-hysterectomy , but I think the MIND will be the biggest control of our body, and positive thinking will lift us up and be able to continue to enjoy life. Thanks again Betsy, and keep up your good work of encourage and hope.ReplyDelete
To some women that has had all negative feeling pos-hysterectomy I begged you, please do not put yourself down cause you can't enjoy sex any more, life is more important than sex, just look around and see a lot people whom had lost their limbs, part of their organs, liver cancer, leukemia, etc.. They all want to live, and be able to be with their family, we are blessing to just had our uterus removed instead of our life. Thanks God for the life we have, and enjoy it everyday with positively attitudes. Don't beat yourself down, and remember our life is important than everything else. God bless you, and wishing you are all the best wishes. And by the way, please don't destroyed our hope with all your negative, mean, and anger posts. Thanks
Lillie. The problem with us, women in trouble after hysterectomy, is not exactly what you think and take for our problem. We wish we could but we can not take your advice and put it into practice because it is not that "WE put ourselves down" so that WE could just decide and stop putting ourselves down. It is a whole body/mind reaction that has put us down. It is beyond wishful thinking. Much of the problem is simply physicalReplyDelete
If you think of and expierence orgasm as the moment of the utmost connection with the person you love (and this is its emotional function), you may feel 'disconnected' from this love, if you expierence physically weaker orgasm. Physically weaker orgasm leaves the sensation of emotional detachment from the object of love, unfulfillment, distress, loneliness. The same applies to the expierence of making love with one self. When people masturbate, they do it with emotional desire to expierence this connection with themselves. The intensity of orgasm is important for the brain and emotional well-being, in celibacy and in the relationship.Delete
thanks for sharing .It is so encouraging.ReplyDelete
There are some things that very few women will discuss openly. I was curious and a search led me here to your post. I really appreciated hearing about your experience. It was honest, entertaining, and encouraging.ReplyDelete
Thank you some much for your experience. It has been 3 years since my radical hyster from cancer. It is refreshing to find someone so open and honest who has experienced the same thing and who can opening put it on the net for us who are shy and are still tying to figure it out. Like I said, it has been 3yrs and I am still waiting for my "big orgasm" to come about. But I am glad that it is possible. Thanks gain.ReplyDelete
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Hi Betsy. Thank you :) I'm 42 yrs young and exactly 10 days post op. I did research and worried over how my sex life would be. Quite honestly my sex life prior was going down hill due to all the major issues I had. They had to do full hysterectomy after discovering how diseased my ovaries, tubes were. Which doesn't shock me after 20 something yrs of extreme pain. Not to mention dealing with discovering have an autoimmune disease which we are still running test after test there. However I have great faith that my sex life will be awesome once again! Yes no more pains (and I mean pain!!) no more sex drive down hill and orgasms ahhh something I know much to well :) I have faith that it will be right on top!ReplyDelete
Yes everyone is different. I also know a lot can be mindset. We like to do that to ourselves. So for those who had hysterectomy or planning just do your research and know sex can/will be just as awesome! Much love Angela
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I was raised in a very straight-laced family where sex wasn't talked about and orgasms certainly weren't. I discovered orgasms early in my teen years and was pretty proficient at them by the time I was married. Sex was and is good but I still have to say that I prefer self-stimulation because it's available when I want it and can be as brief or as enduring as I have the time and energy for.ReplyDelete
I was told several months ago that I needed a hysterectomy. My first thought was, "Oh, no. What about my orgasms?" I got really ticked off when I talked to my husband and he told me to go ahead with the hysterectomy because sex was painful anyway. I understood his reasoning, of course, but ORGASMS! If someone had told him that he might not have them or that they might not be as powerful as he remembered them if he had a certain surgical procedure, wouldn't he have doubts too? I asked a couple of friends that I thought could answer me without blushing and got mixed responses. I certainly couldn't talk to my mom. And so I turned to the almighty Google and this page came up :) It was both reassuring and not, because the bottom line was that everyone's experience was different. I held on to the hope, though, that some women reported mindblowing orgasms after surgery, and that perhaps I could be one of those women.
I had a supracervical laparascopic hysterectomy, removal of left side ovary, and mesh bladder sling placed not very long ago at all (adenomyosis, ovarican cyst, excessive scar tissue/adhesions binding the ovary to the colon). I felt the urge to test out the results way too soon, within days of the surgery. I was so surprised that I had such strong libido and felt sure that the outcome would be successful, and was rewarded with a powerful orgasm within seconds. No issues at all. I cannot tell any difference between before and after. At all.
I never thought I'd be bold enough to talk about sex in a public forum, and I'm still prudish enough to do it anonymously, but this link and the comments gave me so much hope, and I wanted to share my experience to pass along even more hope to women who are having to make the same decision I did. It appears that the outcome is not guaranteed, but satisfying orgasms are completely possible after hysterectomy...yes, yes, yes!
An interesting discussion is worth comment. I think that you should write more on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but generally people are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. CheersReplyDelete
If i could do it over again i would not have the surgery, but that is because i could have dealt with the problems i had, and its been a battle to find balance but if i was a women that was in severe pain or cancer then i would have the surgery. I will say there are times sex it blah and other times sex a absolutely Great, i can still have strong orgasms but it takes me longer to achieve then it use too, dh has to work harder :):):)and i still get sexual erdges out of the blue, especially if i watch a porn, holy crap that wakes me up....my biggest problem is emotional, i feel lost a lot like i don't know who i am. really weird.... i am getting ready to try hormone pellets, i think my problem is my hormones are not balanced, i did keep my ovaries, my best friend has all her parts and she is suffering with worse symptoms then me...you cant give up, to the women that are having a hard time, there are different things to try, just don't give up:):):) we are all wired different and i believe women when they say the surgery did not effect them or mess their sex life up, it bothers me the hers foundation accuses them of lying and trying to mislead women. That is so wrong, and there are women who have zero choice to have this surgery and they should not be made to feel their life will be over, and scaring them is so wrong, i cant imagine the suicides this causes... My father-in-law said the mind is a powerful thing, and if you convince yourself you are broken you will be broken, he says positive thinking goes a long way, i knew i would have to give up my parts one day, i wish i would have waited till i was already in menopause, you don't hear to many complaining when they wait till that point. If you can wait, wait, if you cant, life will not be over unless you choose it to be.ReplyDelete
I am impressed by your lovely post which i were really looking for.you possess lots of understanding on this subject.ReplyDelete
I've just met a girl who has only one ovary. She says she has no problem with sex, and overall she feels okey, no menopausal severe symptoms, no lubrication needed, has orgasm. But I met her in psychotherapy support group, diagnosed with depression. I have no reason NOT to believe her, may be she has other reasons to be depressed. It is very difficult to find balance between the sound medical pre-operation information and scarry tactics, I think. I have done research on this subject, not in HERS but in the academic research papers. There is no consensus why some women complain and other do not after the surgery. There is no consensus as to how much of the problem is bodily, how much psychological. One thing for sure. If a woman has apprehension and bad feelings before the surgery, she may develop major problem after.ReplyDelete
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I wrote this letter to the man in my life after my doctor told me I needed a hysterectomy. I'd like to share it anonymously as it's an honest account of how I felt at the time. I don't know if you'll find it depressing or helpful, but it's at least honest. Maybe it will help someone else.ReplyDelete
Dear (name removed),
I think aging is difficult. I think I'm at a very difficult stage.
It's hard to discuss with a man, even more so with a man you hope might find you attractive.
It's so much harder for women than for a man. You don't have a strange complexity of hormones and body parts. I envy you this, I do. And while men get more handsome as they age, society doesn't hold any special place for older women.
It happens slowly, over time. First you lose your beauty. Then, just when you are beginning to make the adjustments needed to accept that your body has changed, when you're figuring out new styles of clothing and hair that complement your older self, then parts of your body start to shut down completely. Hormones turn against you. The lack of them or imbalance of them changes everything and your mood is the least of it.
To me, losing my uterus would be the final blow that will knock me out of any disillusionment that I might be as attractive as a younger woman. I have to admit, I'm not. Nor will I ever be again. The gray hair and wrinkles have been easier to hide. I can't hide a missing organ.
But my worries of losing beauty seem so shallow now. No, now I'm just hoping I won't leave a wet spot on the chair when I'm in public or smell funny to small children. This is the furthest thing from sexy that I can imagine.
Aging is terrible. It's terrible and cruel and it happens in such stages with such pace that one can never get comfortable with the changes. Maybe it would be nice to step back a few years. If I could, I promise I'd be happy with being the ugliest girl in the room if I could just have body parts that worked right.
I'm feeling very sad and angry and worried and a whole lot of emotions. And I just hoping you'll act like an adult with me, and not some young man still out trotting around for women to flirt with or bed. I don't feel sexy right now. For me the carefree days of youth seem so distant right. I want you to stay with me anyway. I want to take off the heels and makeup, I want to remove the smoke and mirrors of mystery once wore as part of this sexual dance I began in my teens. I want to strip down to simple, I want to strip down to the raw nakedness of me, that which is left after fertility and youth are gone.
And I want to figure out a way to enjoy this stage while I can, as I suspect as time passes I shall lose even more of the things that I enjoy. Old people don't just wake up old, you know. I understand that now. Aging is the fine art of letting go.
This is just part of the dance and the music is changing.
I have lost my uterus, perhaps I didn't do all I could and should, not to. I was forty-five and had never had the problem with aging process before. I enjoyed myself, accepted the changes. More wrinkles, thinner hair, less sexy figure didn't bother me. I could indulge in my self. My hysterectomy disrupted this natural aging process in me dramatically, on the mind and body level. Contrary to the Person above, I'm unable to put the equation sign '=' between the surgery and aging. I'm expierencing this event as some kind of a tragic accident in which I've lost a body part and esential part of my self. It is much more than aging. Aging is natural. Beside its various obvious drawbacks, aging brings some comfort, wisdom, tranquility of mind. For me hysterectomy - does not.ReplyDelete
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I hear what you're saying. I'm deeply sorry.ReplyDelete
For me it was a deeply personal process of learning to let go of fertility and the purely physical side of sex.
What I have learned is to let go completely and accept that who I am is separate from my body and body parts -- that, no matter how difficult it was for me to accept -- I am more than a collection of hormones, I am more than a uterus. I must be, right?
It was a long painful process that resulted in light at the end of the tunnel. That light is a gratefulness to be alive. To wake another day and experience happiness and joy in whatever capacity possible. And, it may surprise you to learn because you have not reached this place yet, but I am fully capable of experiencing happiness and joy and you are able to experience these things, too. Hormones are vital and yes they play a major, major role in our bodies and lives, but ultimately you can be happy and experience true happiness. You can and you will, I promise. You are worth more than the sum of all your parts.
Thank you for your words of hope. Yes, I'm not at that place yet, but half-way. I don't expect so much as joy and true happiness because I've lost my relationship with the man I love, but I've learned to be what I am now. I'm not a lover but I can be a teacher, friend, daughter, aunt......ReplyDelete
I'm sorry for your loss, I truly am. Wishing you all the best. xoxoxoReplyDelete
designed for the women and their partners who miss the uterus. It is advised to have it in bed and cuddle
Too funny on the Uterus pillow above...lolzzzzzzzzzzzzz I love your story Betsy..it makes me laugh, so i come back just to read it...lol :):):):) For women who have had this surgery, who are faced with this surgery or even just thinking about this surgery, go to hystersisters...it is a great site, and they too talk about other alternatives besides hysterectomy...but what i love about them is its mostly made up of positive uplifting women who together you find ways to conquer your symptoms, you can get all kinds of information to try from other women that are experiencing the same things you are...I love it when i am needing some good advice:):):):):) That site truly takes All women into heart.ReplyDelete
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my name is Vera, i married my husband for over 18 without a child.i consorted so manyReplyDelete
physician without a proper diagnosis.all they know is fibroid, but God bless the day i log on to
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Betsy thank you so much. I recently had a hysterectomy with the removal of everything. I am very afraid to have sex again. My boyfriend thankfully is very understanding and patient.ReplyDelete
John Smith and Escort need to get a life. Sorry I had to say that. Must be the hormones. LOL!
I am 26 and I have been advised to have a partial hysterectomy because my endometriosis is so bad. I am one of few women who can honestly say that I have never not had an orgasm during intercourse. I am afraid that they wont be the same, but I am hoping the surgery fixes my problems. I love my husband very much, but I can not get into the mood since my issues have come about. I figure that if the pain is gone then hopefully our intimacy will make up for the lack of uterine contractions. I just recently had surgery where my doctor did not take the uterus because we had not discussed it previously (we had no idea how bad it was) but I do not want to have to deal with these issues anymore and my husband said its worth the sex life risk for us to be happy and healthy together. From what I have read, women are getting in the mood, just not feeling satisfied...is this correct?ReplyDelete
You are a wise woman. Thank you for getting me to think carefully rather than panic when I was told I needed a total hysterectomy with tubes and ovaries out. As a woman, now 3 days post op, and a medical doctor (though not an Ob/gyn) I simply have to omments.
1. Did you know that the uterus and parts of the fallopian tubes comes from mullerian ducts when we are embryos? These cells degenerate in male embroyos. And somehow men still have orgasms--maybe they are only 'penile' ones and not 'true" orgasms?!
2. When Masters and Johnsons first studied female sexual response they only included women who had orgasm during intercourse? At the time they were considered the only "normal" women. No wonder it's been a long road to "understanding" the female orgasm.
3. Most scientists now believe what you say. The female orgasm is WAY complex. To define them as vaginal, clitoral, or uterine oversimplifies the whole thing. Sure all those things are involved but so are nipples, mind, culture, beliefs, mood, and way more.
4. Women had been having orgasms for centuries before physiologists discovered g spots--why do we continue to define ourselves as discrete bits rather than complex beings? (Knowledge about g spots continues to evolve--they probably vary in importance and physical structure from one woman to the next. Like our faces/fingers/breasts--we are not identical.)
4. A lot of women with all their parts still don't orgasm so obviously it's more than just a sum of the physical parts. The good news is that over 90% of women can learn to orgasm with proper therapy.
5. Equating surgery to castration ignores the fact of menopause. Women whose ovaries have long since stopped functioning still manage to have sex lives. Hormones are complex but not the only players.
6. When thinking about cancer women need to remember that there are different cell types even within single organs. They have different treatments/prognosis/origins. For example, the most common type of ovarian cancer is epithelial. But not all ovarian cancer is epithelial, so what you read about 'ovarian cancer' may or may not apply to your particular cancer. There are ovarian cancers, thankfully rare, but unfortunately very aggressive that are so undifferentiated it isn't clear where they come from other than to say 'mullerian". The point is these things are complex and new research is happening all the time. This is NOT a time to rely on the internet.
7. Most doctors truly want the best for their patients. I routinely think what I would want for my family member when I give advice. No one's advice is perfect but we did spend years studying medicine and it isn't helpful to routinely put doctors in adversarial positions. Get second opinions by all means, but from trained professionals that know your case.
8. "All" the nerves aren't cut in any surgery, sensory nerves often heal, and all the nerves in your body are not connected to each other. Again it's complex. Intraabdominal organs are heavily innervated with parasympathetic fibers which do strange things. That's why you feel pain in your shoulder when you have gas under your diaphragm. Go figure.
And so much more...let's be thoughtful about ourselves and each other.
Dear Joann -Delete
THANKYOU for saying what I have been scouring the web for - That equating oophorectomy with castration is not a kind or fair thing. I appreciate the desire of the HERS foundation to persuade women away from unnecessary TAH/bso, but to call me a castrate because I had the operation in april for stage 1a grade 2/3 uterine cancer at 47? It's heartless. I have plenty of regrets and do agree that I was not given full disclosure...missing the uterine O is deep but i think it is REALLY MISSING SOMETHING to push this idea that we who lose our ovaries should be like these extremely depressed individuals and desire to be dead instead. As a meditator I find I still have my consciousness and THAT is what makes me human prior to anything anyway. Orgasm is a precious thing, but Existing and maybe even being a little bit selfless is way more important than getting off. But then, people don't really explore bare existence all that much now, do they? It might bring up scarey thoughts about how brief life is after all and how selfish we all tend to be.
As for orgasm I am missing my ute, but have to say there have been a few lovely orgasms to be had. I am hoping that some pelvic strengthening and retraining will keep my dear vaheena awake.. and I look forward to seeing how the g-spot has fared once i am clear to go in there... and I am using Chinese medicine, exercise and herbs a la Susun Weed's menopause book to help with the shutdown. it's no fun dealing with all this but i want to do my best - and those whose depression has them trying to drain the courage of women like me really need to get a flippin grip and start thinking about damage control from our end of things.
Joann, thank you for your rational and educational commentary.Delete
Effect of Hysterectomy on Female Sexual Function
(Jacqueline N. Murrell, MD, Jennifer R. Berman, MD Robert Weiss, MD, Laura Berman, PhD, Sheila R. Keane, MA, Mary Christina Zierack MA, Trudy Van Hooten, PhD, Irwin Goldstien, MD,Phillip Stubblefield,MD)
This work is quite recent and explains a lot on the subject. Nerve sparing surgery technique is at work, finally they explain why some women feel larger loss in sexuality than others, it is not just speculation on case studies.
I am 53 and have a BRCA I gene. I already had breast cancer and reconstruction. The lost of nipples and breast sensation did reduce some sexual pleasure, but not a whole lot. I had nursed a few kids and realized that by age 42 I didn't have a whole lot of sensation in my nipples, so reconstruction it was. I refused to have a hysterectomy until after menopause. I am at risk for ovarian cancer and I have a huge fibroid that destroyed my uterus and any feelings there. It's pressing on my bladder and my uterus can't be saved, as the fibroid is huge. So it will be a total hysterectomy in a few weeks. I have almost no sex drive as it is after menopause. I can't imagine it getting worse when I don't have any drive now. I actually can't wait to get a total hysterectomy. Without breasts and with a total hysterectomy, I can then take some testosterone and bio identical hormones. I can't wait to have hormones again, so I can orgasm. I have no sex drive and I can't imagine a hysterectomy making things worse. I can only imagine replacement hormones making me feel better than I do. I have nothing to lose and refuse to be scared off. My doctor is well known and made US News and World report as being one of the best in the country. So, I picked wisely and hope that I have no cancer in my reproductive organs or that I haven't waited too long to get my ovaries out, since I'm at risk for ovarian cancer. My fibroid is a huge pain. I'd like to keep my cervix, but the doctor won't go for that, since I want replacement hormones. I'm hoping to get my sex drive back. I have ovaries and a uterus, but I'm 53 and it all stopped working a year ago. I'm married. My husband can't wait for me to get it all out so I can get hormones to be able to orgasm again. Right not my parts can't orgasm, so it can't get worse than this. I'm willing to have it all removed and hopefully the right hormone replacement will have me enjoying sex. My husband is on replacement hormones and has a huge sex drive now. I hope for the same, but right now, all my parts aren't working anyway. I think this article is great, as I kept hearing about uterine orgasms. My sister kept her uterus, only not to be able to take hormones. I'd rather have it all out and get my hormones back, so I can orgasm. They aren't removing my clitoris, so I'll take what I can get and thank the author for this encouraging article.ReplyDelete
Quote: Mrs. Diana Organ UK Labour Minister of Parliament for the Forest of Dean campaigns on the the issue of hysterectomy services in the UK, following concerns raised by her constituents. Concerns range from the lack of information, advice, counselling and guidance about the procedure and its after-effects, to the treatment offered, surgery involved and after-care, and to the attitudes of some members of the medical profession towards women receiving the treatment.
" there was a disturbing pattern of anger at the manner of their treatment. They were not ready for and did not expect what happened to them, and all complained about a lack of information and advice. They were often told that the procedure was the only option. The exact nature of the surgery was not clearly explained to them, so there was a general feeling of a lack of informed consent. Only one was given a leaflet, and that was in relation to a hysterectomy many years ago.
A loss of libido was common, and a side effect was a change in their sex lives and lack of satisfaction with sexual intercourse. There were acute menopausal problems, incontinence after the operation and lower back pain. Unfortunately, most of the women did not complain at the time through the normal complaints procedure, because they felt beaten down and decided that it would be useless to try to take on and fight the whole medical fraternity.
The women in the group did NOT have hysterectomies because of CANCER...., the reason was heavy periods, and some had ovaries removed as well for that reason.
Quote: ...Some professionals, such as Professor McPherson and Professor Roger Gosden, have spoken out about this issue, saying that the effects (of hysterectomy) can be devastating, and that some women are actually driven to suicide, or experience suicidal depression as a result of the after-effects of the surgery. There should be much more work done in this field, more investigation into alternative therapies and more monitoring of the necessity of hysterectomy and of the use of sub-total or total hysterectomy. Much more research should be done into the clinical evidence of the after-effects of hysterectomy and the effects on women's lives."...
First, thank you for sharing your experience with us, your writing on this couldn't be any more precise and correct in my sex life experience as well as post hysterectomy.. I am 6 weeks post op uterus/cervix hyster. Of course I kept my ovaries because I knew it would be best for me tohold onto my hormones. Anyway, about 3 weeks post op I Had no problem with a clitorial orgasm and those have always been my least favorite. They don't stand a chance against the uterine tsunamis. I broke out a toy yesterday and there was no problem at all achieving at least a tidal wave. I have yet to add the partner to the mix which will further stimulate the brain, (mental aspect of this) because fantasizing of him isn't ever as good, and perhaps the tsunamis will resume their usual complete takeover of all land and everything therein. I will indeed form my own blog on the matter, especially now since I've learned of the rampant monkey orgs who seek to destroy anyones idea of getting a hysterectomy. I'm guessing they're doing this for religious purposes? Hrrrmph. For the record, no children here, never wanted my own and amazing sex my entire life since age 14. I will indeed report back with part 2 of this journey. Until then keep up the good work in sharing. =)
..........cont from last post......I forgot to say that just one week post op I felt like I was 17 again! No pain, no issues, took one pain pill after hyster, that's it. My sex drive is out the roof and I can't freaking wait to havesex with a partner to see how it goes. Looking forward to a tsunami. Will report back! Damn suicidal people were that way to begin with. Id be more worried about gmo's than a hysterectomy!ReplyDelete
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Please keep this page up, you have no idea how valuable it is. I have complex hyperplasia with atypia, was told hysterectomy due to cancer risk. They say cancer risk right now very small because I've been getting hormones for complex hyperplasia without atypia but in the past few months it became atypia, so this atypia is new. Atypia means pre cancerous. I will ask MD about higher doses of progestin I have real some people need to reverse this condition. Weight loss can resolve this and my body doesn't seem to want to give me the time to lose weight, so I face the hysterectomy which will resolve cancer fears but opens up a sexual can of worms. It really does help to access a blog like this which gives me a light at the end of the tunnel. I am afraid of getting and not getting a hysterectomy.ReplyDelete
Please do not take it down.
I had to have a complete hysterectomy, uterus and ovaries. I have early stage ovarian cancer. Very early stage thank goodness. I want a sex life with my husband. I was already in menopause and I still have great orgasms with no supplemental hormones or a uterus. I don't have the mind blowing ones I had in my 20's, but we rarely keep that for life. Still, they are mind blowing enough that I'm happy. I appreciate this article. It calmed me down a lot before they removed it all. My husband isn't young either and he has all his parts. He doesn't have the mind blowing orgasms of a 20 year old either, but he still can go at it longer than most younger men and still have a great orgasm. No, he does not need Viagra. lol. As we get older, we aren't going to be able to keep up and hormones change with age anyway... for women and men. Some of you need to grow up. Great story Betsy. By the time some of you are over 50, you'll learn that some things don't last forever and can actually change... and get better in different ways. We have time now to explore our naughty sides now that the kids are grown and out of the house! lol. Yeah, us over 50 folks probably have a better sex life than 25 year olds. Actually we do and a study was written about it.ReplyDelete
I'm a little over 50 and for years have been putting off surgery with that "wait and see" attitude that everyone gives you about fibroids. They are way too large to remove or treat in any other way than removing my uterus (and I have had more than one medical opinion including all female doctors and one holistic, Dr. Northrup-type doctor). But last week I went to the emergency room with a scary episode of blood flow that WOULD NOT STOP and doctors have confirmed that this could happen again suddenly and I could actually die from blood loss if it happens in the "right" way or at the right time. Guess what? If that happens I will be having exactly ZERO ORGASMS ever again (of whatever type). I hate that when I do online research to analyze my health-care choices, I have to use the same skills I use analyzing restaurant reviews on Yelp (what is the percentage of good v. bad reviews, and how insane do the reviewers appear to be?). This blog post and the comments here have helped me mentally today more than you will ever know. THANK YOU to Betsy and all the other women who posted here. I hope I will be able to come back some months later and help out another poor soul who has no idea what to do and is scared out of her wits. Take care, my sisters. xoxReplyDelete
I am 39 and scheduled for full hysterectomy in 2 weeks. After reading I am encouraged by all the positive comments but scared since I am not a natural, "glass half full" kind of gal. I struggle because I do enjoy "uterine" orgasms and it sounds like I will lose them. I suffer from endometriosis and live with extreme pain EVERYDAY!!! Do I just learn to live with the pain like I always have or get the surgery and have to learn a whole new way of lovemaking with my husband (PS I have 5 children all 9 and under so I don't have the luxury yet of time and energy for relearning everything). Intercourse with orgasms is a very important thing for my husband and I and I do not want to lose that bond between us...ReplyDelete
I just don't believe most of you actually had cancer. I think it's partly you've been fear mongered and partly some of you are exaggerating. Hyperplasia, dysplasia, atypical hyperplasia, fibroids, carcinoma in situ -- none of that warrants a hysterectomy.ReplyDelete
Hysterctomy is the easist, quickets surgery, that pay a lot of money. Gynes are paid for that than for the much more complex myomectomy which requires extra training and certification, and in fact, in many jurisdictions, cannot be done by a gyne, and the patient referred to a surgeon. An honest to god surgeon. Gynes have very little surgical training, like vets. they learn on the job.
It's all very important sounding and gets one lots of attention (online at least) to say you had cancer.
Take your test results, all of them, and call a couple gynes in different countries. A Swedish doctor told me "we don't do that here for those indications". Women in Sweden and other European countries would fall off their chairs at the number of hystectomized women in Canada and the U.S. It's not that they have less gyne cancer than we do, it's that our medical profession and especially gynes, are making money off us.
American doctors told me, we don't do that 'anymore' for your indications.
You may not have liked the way some HERS persons delivered their message, but what they have on the website is factual. Complain about how they delivered their message, but don't deny it until you've done the research yourself.
I find this blog's information to be irresponsible.
I'm a former women's health journalist, retired. What I say to you readers is, ask, what did the test say? And what does that actually mean?
"Carcinoma in situ" is very dramatic sounding. But it's irresponsible to let your readers think it means "cancer".
Shame on you Betsy.
I am one week post-op from laparoscopic hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy - I did keep my cervix. Nope, not cancer. And shame on anonymous for judging my experience for saying it doesn't warrant hysterectomy. I am a mom to four medically disabled boys and beyond making sure that they stay as healthy as possible do you know my first priority? Making sure my husband and I don't fall into the 80% of failed marriages that come with disabled children. A HUGE part of that is sex. I have been battling endometriosis for years and as part of that battle 4 years ago I had an endometrial ablation and laparoscopic removal of endometriosis. Then, four years down the road the endometriosis was so bad that the pain AFTER intercourse would keep me awake for hours and then exhausted the next day. The month leading up to surgery I was simply not the person my family needs me to be. I would say yes, uterine contractions played a huge role in my orgasms, but to a very negative extent. Imagine feeling like you are at the point of labor where it's time to push after every orgasm - and having it last hours. I still don't know if all the parts are working to my satisfaction, but if my libido is anything to go by my husband and I are in for a treat as soon as my healing is complete.ReplyDelete
I would just like to post that where I live (Devon UK) surgeons are still recommending removal of the ovaries during a hysterectomy. Mine was for uterine fibroids and therefore there was no medical reason for removing the ovaries other than to protect me from ovarian cancer. As removal of ovaries can cause all sorts of other medical problems as well as the obvious downside of surgical menopause I felt I could have been better informed by the hospital of the pros and cons of this. I would urge anyone to look at alternatives to hysterectomy and to question and research whether ovary removal is necessary or beneficial to them rather than letting (usually male) Doctors make these decisions for them.ReplyDelete
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I would like to know if sex after hysterectomy was different for your male partner? Meaning, does a man notice the absence of the cervix and if so does it interfere or lessen his sexual pleasure?ReplyDelete
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I see it's been a while since any real comments on this post. I want to say Thank You to Betsy for this post and tell my positive experience with hysterectomy.ReplyDelete
I am 9 weeks post op having had a supra cervical laparascopic hysterectomy and bilateral salpingectomy. I am 43 with no children. Married happily for 7 years. I had my hyst because of multiple fibroids, mennorhagia, adenomyosis and pain. I mostly looked forward to getting my life back. I worried a little about whether I would feel the same, have sexual desire, and if it would negatively impact our sex life.
I had an uncomplicated surgery and recovery. No hormonal issues, no night sweats or hot flashes, I feel exactly as I did before. I look forward to never having a horrible gushing period again, and not having to wear diapers during my period.
Our sex life has improved, in that I feel more spontaneous because there's no hassle of birth control. We have gone from once a month to twice a week! I feel freer to enjoy sex!
I just tried my first orgasm through clitoral stimulation. It was definitely good, with all feeling, I did notice that the back end after the explosion was missing, like the after effect was short. It felt good but different.
To me it is worth the surgery. I don't regret it and my quality of life is greatly improved. Even before, my orgasms could be mind-blowingly awesome or just meh. So I am glad that I think my response will improve over time.
I had a hysterectomy two years ago. They had to take my cervix as well. I was truly a mess worrying about how it was going to effect my ability to orgasm. I am happy to say I am perfectly fine. Better than fine actually! The G-spot is the best thing ever, and my orgasms are very strong. In addition, I experience female ejaculation. I did before and was also worried that was going to go away. I highly recommend the book Vagina by Naomi Wolf.ReplyDelete
Hello Betsy- I hope you still check in & are able to skim thru the above dross.I'm a fit 50 yr old with a massive fibroid that until recently only caused me minorish problems… but it has started to degenerate ..weirdly every 19 days (which corresponds to my kind of former ( i.e. on and off now) cycle..I have had to call an ambulance twice and spent 4 days in hospital on painkillers including morphine. A doctor said the pain is recognised as like a 'heart attack of the womb'.** I don't know how long this intermittent pain will last- there isn't much info on fibroid degeneration especially in a non pregnant woman. .Prior to this .I was hanging on till after menopause and some shrinkage of the tumour. - but since these unbearable bouts of pain I am now knee deep in researching hysterectomy .. and am now terrified of no longer being able to acheive the nourishment that orgasms give .. and it has to be said of loosing my fit body.. self esteem .. kind of myself. Anyone out there have advise wisdom or a similar experience ? Thanxxxx SReplyDelete
To all of the women out there who had hysterectomies and are struggling and doing their best to cope with it, trying to find some hope and possibility, I applaud you. I hope that you can regain your sexuality. I hope that things can improve for you.ReplyDelete
But to those who come on here and just start spewing negativity, acting self-righteous and using their hysterectomy as an excuse to hurt others with foul invective.... The world would be much better off without people like you. I actively hope that you stop existing. You are awful human beings who barely deserve to be labeled as such. You disgrace those other women who are struggling and trying to find something for themselves. It's terrible that they had to go through such awful experiences but you? You deserved it.
I read the HERS report. It's dark and depressing. For an organization claiming to look out for women, they don't exactly provide any positive support. I took their report as I might as well kill myself now because my sex life is over, sheesh. A real research study includes how to overcome negative obstacles, so to me their report was not complete. These people did go to college and learn how to do thorough research right? Somebody want posting attention. I research for a living and I have to find ways to improve failures. I consider the full collapse of my pelvic floor to be an issue I must find a way to overcome what may be interpreted as negative changes. I don't have a choice of hysterectomy. It will happen now or I'll need it later, but it may be more urgent and when I'm less physically equipped to recover successfully. I'm a strategist, so the logical side of me says surgery by 40. I have a prolapsed uterus; prolapsed bladder that has an already failing sling, rectocele, cystocele, and urethrocele. The pelvis is imploding and I'm faced with increasing difficulties with urinating, defecating and painful intercourse. Betsy, you're article is more thoughtful from a personal experience. You strike me as a strong woman who doesn't give up living and doesn't buy into other claims that a woman's life is over after a hysterectomy. I expect to be challenged by this event in my life, but I'm not going to crawl under a rock. I've had plenty of life altering challenges already and the soldier in me says to soldier on and overcome. Whatever it takes, I'm looking for an improved quality of life. Thanks Betsy!ReplyDelete
Hysterectomy may damage your ability to orgasm. Though some women say they can orgasm after hysterectomy as well, especially with clitoris, but sensations coming fro uterine contractions are missing. It's harder to get excited, go thru intercourse when you become dry & unresponsiveReplyDelete
thank you so very much for this!! I am having an endometrial biopsy tomorrow to test for cancer. I am terrified. I don't want cancer, not ready to die, and sex is very important to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!ReplyDelete
I had a partial hysterectomy several years ago after an unsuccessful ablation procedure for Fibroids. My experience with orgasms varies post surgery. Primarily I have only masturbated since the surgery. The intensity of my orgasms is not the same when I masturbate. I don't have the extra after that used to make my toes curl. Several months ago I actually had sex for the first time since my hysterectomy. The first time was awful for me and my partner. I was tight and it was very uncomfortable. The next time was okay. The third and last time was amazing. I was happy to know I could have the same kind of eyes rolling in my head orgasms I'd had over the years. I feel like my libido is very strong. There are times I'd like to have sex daily, but I'm not in a relationship so that presents a challenge.ReplyDelete
I think that orgasms after a hysterectomy are going to vary from woman to woman. A childhood friend shared with me that her orgasms are much more intense since her surgery. Another friend who has not had a hysterectomy shared that she doesn't and never has had much of a sex drive. Nor does she enjoy sex very much. I don't think there is a universal declaration that can be made about women and our sexual health. A hysterectomy is a major surgery that should be taken very seriously before having one. However, it's a very personal decision a woman should make based on her health needs and what she feels will work best for her.
I am having a hysterectomy in 8 days... tubes, uterus & cervix, ovaries still debatable. I have adenomyosis, A lot of adhesions & scar tissue. I've have my period & horrible cramps since Sept... I'm 34, i've tried everything under the sun for the last 20 years to deal with this, every kind of therapy and it all stopped working. I don't feel a huge attachment to my uterus. I don't equate it with my womanhood... I feel like my relationship with my sexuality is very much linked to my personality, My brain.... I can orgasm... but sex itself is painful & often orgasams are followed by cramps. (still worth it. lol) I have fantastic orgazams and yes i am terrified they will not be the same. I have been going on-line everytime I start freaking out and i'm so very glad to read your post.ReplyDelete
I have known for a long time that a hysterectomy was the only option I had to fix my situation. I have done my research, my father is an OBGYN and we have had many conversations about my options.... The idea was first presented to me by a doctor when I was 30... at that point I went online & immediately saw the HERS foundation. I put off my surgery, because what I read terrified me so. I was so afraid it would ruin my life... Now i'm scheduled to do a vaginal hysterectomy assisted by a laparoscopy, with a huge chance that I might have to have a full incision, I waited so long the damage is now extensive... If i hadn't been so afraid i could have gotten away with a tiny incision... It is important to state all sides, but after doing a bit of research into the Hers foundation sources. (I do research for a living, I do it well) Their data is presented in a very skewed way, eliminating a more complete picture.
We, as women also need to do our research... ask questions & get 2nd & 3rd opinions if you feel there are necessary. In my obsessive scouring of the internet these last few weeks regarding all of this, I was surprised by the amount of women who didn't ask questions, who just went along with it without doing any research into what they were heading into. Knowledge is power...
I'm freaking terrified... I run the risk of losing the big O... but the way things are now... well, it's hard to get one as well.
People keep asking me if I'm angry... not at all. I've never equated my uterus with the things that make me a woman, (periods maybe, but more in terms of things that suck about being a girl). I am a mom... that didn't make me feel like more of woman either.... Some of the awesomest women i know were born male... You can buy boobs & a vagina. But being a woman is so much more that they physical bits that come along with it.
I'm sorry for all the women who feel like they are less of a "girl". I don't see you like that at all & after seriously harassing my male friends on the subject i realized most of them don't really think of our insides, unless is wanting to get into them. I come from a family of women who have undergone many hysterectomies... & they are one sexy bunch.
In 8 days I walk into that operating room with a broken piece & walk out without it. Whatever happens next is yet to be determined. Whether i can orgasm will have to wait, but I walk in there knowing that this is the right decision for me and knowing that there is a chance things might or might not work. Such is life... but i definitely look forward to the next chapter & exploring it all....
We shall see.
PS: sorry for typos, it's from my phone & can't really see the whole text. lol
I had mine March 17 and I have to make sure my minds relaxed to achieve orgasm with help of partner or toysDelete
Betsy, I am so happy to have found your blog. I am 4 weeks post op and have been frightened by all of the negative posts or information on other sites re: sexualtiy, nerve damage and orgasms post hysterectomy.ReplyDelete
My husband and I are climbing the walls waiting to get clearance from the doctor to resume intercourse, in the mean time as I have felt better, my husband has benefited from my desire to get back to our intimate selves by participating in other forms of intimacy. We need to love ourselves as women and be kind and patient with our changes to our bodies.
Yes, there is alot to emotionally process, but at the end of the day we are still
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Thank you so much for posting your story. I was worried about the loss of uterine orgasm, but suspected that, the body being the amazing creature-spirit that it is, through it I would experience new paths to pleasure and intimacy. The topic of post-hysterectomy orgasm is not so well covered on the Internet, where I found mostly superficial and/or depressing and scary commentary on this issue. Your post gives me hope because it's your personal story and feels so honest, but also because it feels sensible and like real-life people I know, and just how life works. Recovery is a process. For me a full hysterectomy is going to save me from cancer, so I am greatly relieved that medicine can offer me that. As for experiencing intimacy, I hear in your story that there will be a loss, there will be change, and there will be new ways to love. I can't thank you enough for sharing your story. It means so much to me. Peace!
I thought I'd add my two cents. I had a subtotal hysterectomy when I was 33 due to uterine hemorrhaging. I also had polycystic ovaries so everything but the cervix came out. I had no problems with libido or orgasm afterward, although I will also admit it is different. No less pleasurable, but different. I am celibate now, but that is entirely by choice. A lot of it has to do with your mindset. If you get hung up on stuff, it will affect function. Thanks for the blog, Betsy.ReplyDelete
Love it Betsy...I now feel a sense of relief. I have no apprehension about this surgery now..Thank you for candidly sharing your story! I pray for complete healing for U, myself, and those who suffer for pain and diseases. Cheers and let the Love Rivers Flow!~~~♥~~~ReplyDelete
at 54 and 5 months after hysterectomy I'm here to tell you, and I've had some pretty good orgasms in my life, that I almost feel like a sex addict now! and yes it has moved....the feeling has been going on all day most days for at least a month so far...so good news!ReplyDelete